Fibronaut At Home

Another day of defeat

on March 23, 2012

It is noon and I’m still in my pajamas.  Which, when I think about it, isn’t that bad, considering I didn’t wake up until 9:45.  I’ve got my arms propped up by pillows because holding them up to type is more than I can handle right now.  There are two baskets of folded clothes next to the couch.  Yay for me folding clothes, two days ago.  With 3 kids and one hubby, it is already time to wash clothes again.  My little Emma has already dumped the kitty’s food into their water, found a black vis-a-vis marker and decorated her face, arms and legs and been up on the bathroom counter, trying to cut her own fingernails.  My kitchen is a mess, which should be impossible.  I have a dishwasher and I have an automatic floor cleaner after all, but I also have the 3 kids and one hubby.  Now, Emma is grabbing my face, forcing me to look at her and telling me “I hungry Mama!” but now she’s looking at DVD’s, so I might have five more minutes before I have to get up.  I take my pain meds when I wake up, so you’d think I’d be feeling pretty good right now.  My knees hurt.  My hips hurt.  I’m PMSing so my lower belly hurts.  I’ve been typing for 15 minutes so now my shoulders, elbows, fingers and everything in between hurts.  Sharp pains, aching pains.  Emma says “you hurt Mommy?” because I can’t keep the grimace off my face.  Ha!  It just occurred to me that McDonald’s Grimace is purple and that’s the color for Fibromyalgia Awareness.  Perfect!  Something has spooked Emma and now she is straddling me, patting my back.  Katie had a party today to celebrate the end of their two weeks of swimming lessons at school, but it was at 10:15 and that is too early for me.  Her volleyball game is at 9 am in Kersey tomorrow.  We have to leave at 8 am just to be there in time.  Which is one more thing I’m probably going to miss out on.  I’ve been thinking about getting in the shower for the last hour.  Every time I go to actually get in, I’m distracted by the mess of my house and I forget to look for the weather report.  I finally know that it is supposed to be beautiful and 77 degrees today but I’m unable to get excited about it.  I’ve already missed so much of the day.  I can’t reclaim those seconds, minutes or hours.  They are gone, wasted.  This is what Fibromyalgia does to you.  Takes away your will to live.  Second my second.  Every second you hurt and lay there thinking you’ll get up and do something as soon as you feel better and suddenly it’s time to take your meds again and you realize that the moment you’re waiting for isn’t coming.  There is no escape from the pain.  There is no cure.  What am I supposed to do with that?  I have to get in the shower because I have to pick up my kids from school, but come this summer, what is going to get me off the couch?

One response to “Another day of defeat

  1. Find Focus says:

    There is nothing else to say except – I completely understand… 🙂

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