I may do more random posts like this because it is very difficult for me to decide what I’m going to write about, form thoughts and try to remember that great idea I thought of yesterday when I was in too much pain to type. I hurt so bad right now, but in my hips down to my feet. I was trying to start a load of laundry and my hips felt like they were going to pop out, which was very painful. I’m now starting to hurt from my shoulders down through to my fingers just from this 5 minutes of typing. What I really wanted to post about was my relief at my hubby’s and kid’s grocery run last night because we now have food that the kids can make themselves. I really want a salad and I have all the ingredients, but if I can’t type for 5 minutes without pain and weakness in my arms then I definitely can’t cut up all those things, let alone stand at the counter to do it. Plus my cutting board is dirty so I’d have to wash that too. Who knew making a salad, or typing a paragraph could be so painful/difficult/frustrating/depressing.
In the mail today was a letter from my Long-Term Disability Company stating that in order for me to continue receiving benefits, they needed a statement from a doctor stating what I can and cannot do. I’m freaking out for no reason because I went to my Primary Care Physician last week to resolve this issue. So I shouldn’t be freaking out. My doctor probably faxed the form as the company was mailing me this letter. But I cannot help it. Until this issue is resolved, my stomach is going to be one giant knot. Combined with the wet weather coming, this added stress is just going to make me hurt more. Stupid neck spasms are already starting.
Since I last posted, I went on a family outing to Palo Duro Canyon and then helped my youngest be a shark in the pool. Those two things combined produced precious memories and have left me with an unbearable back ache since Sunday. I spent my last day in Texas mostly sleeping and hanging out in my Mother-in-Law’s bed because I was in so much pain in so many places. I read maybe one chapter on my Kindle because I kept falling asleep at the end of one page, waking up and then reading the same page. I’d get to the bottom and realize I’d already read that part. The pool was cold and by the time I was able to drag my baby out of the pool, I could barely stand my knees were so weak. Whether that was from all the Jaws action or from the mini-hike (I probably did a quarter of what all the other adults did) at the canyon, I’m not sure. I enjoyed watching everyone else having fun but I miss joining in. It was only two years ago that I would be walking as far down the creek as I could with everybody else. I’ve never enjoyed the caving, but at least I’d go a little ways. My hubby and I used to take turns playing with the baby in the kiddy pool. Now it’s just me in the shallow end because I don’t have the energy to swim one lap and my throws of the balls are worse than my three-year-old’s.
It is now Wednesday and we are home and after posting pics of the vacay to Facebook and now typing this, my left arm wants nothing more than to be limp at my side for the rest of the day. I am alternating my heating pad between my back and my knees. I had enough energy yesterday to make my kids and their two cousins re-heated mac & cheese and weenies but my feet and ankles were so swollen from the 9 1/2 hours in the car on the drive from my Mother-in-Law’s house to my Mom’s house that even that took all of the energy and concentration that I didn’t have. It’s always amazing to me how I can be hurting so bad and yet my brain doesn’t tell me to just sit down already. I’m still trying to cook like a normal person. I burnt my fingers three times because I kept forgetting to use the hot pads on the hot pot. Duh! Then we had to drive home which is another hour and a half in the car. My hips were screaming at me by the time we got home and now I’m supposed to make ramen for the kids but all the suitcases are in front of the stove. Thank goodness it is summer vacation for the kids so I have a ten-year-old and an eight-year-old for all my heavy lifting. Sharp pains in my arms and hips and spasming fingers are ending this post. Here’s to ramen noodles for lunch and whining kids doing all the chores I can’t.
After an 8 1/2 drive we are finally in Texas. My feet are so swollen and my knees and hips want to abandon ship. Maybe from holding my kindle or some other unknown, my shoulders, elbows and wrists hurt. I’m getting these come from out of nowhere pains the radiate all over my body. For example, my thumb will hurt and a spot on the underside of my chin will hurt at the same time and it will feel like they are connected. I’m also having really bad spasms. I’m sitting at a desk, like I used to do every day at work, because my Mother-in-law doesn’t have wireless internet. My right wrist and whatever fingers I happen to be using to type hurt. When my fingers are at rest on the keys, they spasm even though I’m not telling them to move. My left knee is hurting and I’m starting to get itching pain in my right wrist. My left elbow refuses to be left out so I’m done here. I think I managed 5 minutes of typing total. Do you think someone would hire a person who can’t type more than 5 minutes and who has to lay down periodically and walk around periodically, lets say every 15 minutes? How about someone who, after typing those 5 minutes will now have pain radiating from her finger tips to her arms and after sitting in a regular chair will have pain radiating from her hips to her knees to her ankles. I meant to talk about my wonderful Mother-in-law and her awesome, posing dog Riley or her Chihuahua Lola who has taken to me, but I hurt to bad. Back to the recliner, CMT (which we don’t have at home cause we can’t afford that grouping of channels) and my Dr Pepper 10 that is really yummy. Ow! I just got a pain that went from the left-handed side of my right hand all the way to the top of my head. Laters Baby.
It is 1:20 am on Thursday, May 24, 2012 and I am blogging because I can’t sleep. My tummy has butterflies and my legs are tense. I’ve had more pain than usual today because of the rain and more spasms because of all the excitement. My second-grader is now a third-grader and my fourth-grader is now a fifth-grader. I refuse to even talk about my almost-three-year-old going to preschool next year. On top of that, I have a very dear little girl on my mind, who is once again in the hospital. We leave tonight for Texas to visit my Mother-in-law and all my husbands siblings with their kids. I’m excited to see my nieces and nephews but also scared because this is our first visit to Texas since my diagnosis. Everyone here has adjusted to my disability (finally!) and I just don’t know what to expect or what will be expected of me. Uncertainty has always been one of my biggest obstacles to overcome. I still, before any event, big or small, imagine outcomes and while the most horrible imaginings come to me easily, positive outcomes are harder, almost impossible, to imagine for me. I’ve gained so much weight in the last year, which makes me feel insecure enough, without adding the breakouts on my face and chest from the heat and the extra stretch marks for the afore-mentioned weight gain. We’re supposed to go swimming, but the swim suit I bought at the beginning of the year, no longer fits. I wish I could feel more positive about all of this and thought I had my emotions under control, but I really am just a breakdown away from disaster. All it will take is one little thing to go wrong and I’ll be exposed for the irrational wreck that I am inside. Spoiler Alert or maybe just TMI but my monthly visitor has not visited yet and if things continue as they’ve been, she’ll show her face on our little vacay. I’m trying to let my hubby sleep in our bed because yesterday I woke to a closed bedroom door and my hubby on the couch because my snoring is so bad. What if I keep up everyone in my Mother-in-law’s house? Then we’ll all be emotional, irrational, cranky beasts! Look out Canyon, TX! The Gomez family is on the loose! Now that I seem to be going into the slap-happy, TMI corner of my brain, I better sign off before I divulge any more eye-searing secrets. Calgon! Take me away!
Did I get your attention with that one? Good! Assuming you’re going to read the rest of this, I’ve now done my part in spreading the word about wearing purple for Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. If you aren’t wearing purple right now, don’t fret! Fibromyalgia Awareness Day is actually tomorrow. So please, wear purple tomorrow. And no. My nurple’s will not be purple tomorrow. But my undies, shirt and hair adornment (I’m trying to use all the big words that pop in my head when I can’t think of what I really want to say) will be.
If you know someone with Fibromyalgia, become a Fibro-fighter in their honor and do something cool for them. Example: One of my bestest friends from high school is running a marathon in my honor, not tomorrow specifically, but you get the point. Example dos: My most awesome parents come up about once a month to do my dishes or my laundry. Example drei: A bunch of my cool bestest friends from high school bought me a MINT automatic floor cleaner when I whined about not being able clean my floor without knocking myself out for a couple days. Example I lost count: My very stupendous Father-in-law and Step-Mother-in-law bought me a Kindle for Christmas because it’s hard for me to hold the books I love to read. I am now cheesing so big having listed all the wonderful things that have been done for me. I love all my friends and family and want you to know how much I appreciate all the support you’ve given me. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the monetary and grocery support my family has received as well. You know who you are.
Let’s recap: Wear purple tomorrow, May 12th, and thank you, thank you, thank you for reading!
Also, Google Chrome, Fibromyalgia is a word!
Is it wrong that I’m now going to scan my blog for all the naughty words I can put in as tags?
Note to self: When you tell the acupuncturist that you felt funny feelings in your tummy during the treatment and she tells you that she placed the majority of the needles so they would help with your bowels, that means that you will probably have no control over when you fart for the next couple days. She said that everything was in balance except for my large intestine. You think? Walking out to meet her at her kitchen table, I farted. Loudly. I thought it was maybe a fluke, but no. I’ve been farting at the worst times all weekend! Walking through the restaurant at my birthday dinner. Making Emma a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She yelled “You farted!” and giggled because she was sadly at booty level. I’m glad everything appears to be flowing better and I usually enjoy a good fart joke, but come on! I haven’t crop dusted like this since I was pregnant. “Keep walking! Don’t ask questions just keep walking!” Those preggo farts were the silent but deadly variety. The ones that are slipping free now are loud and proud. I think I’ll just go with it and own up to my flatulence. Instead of “Excuse me”, I’ll say “You can thank my acupuncturist for that” or “That’s just my large intestine attempting to balance itself”. Feel free to borrow those if you are unfortunate enough to have any public performances. Until next time Fibro-fighters!
Hello again! I feel like so much has happened and I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve been to the acupuncturist three times now. The first two times were to release all the negative toxins I have in my system. This was a very exhausting process. I have been so fatigued that I had only a couple days in the last two weeks where I had bursts of energy that allowed me to clean the kitchen and do laundry. I squeezed in a couple walks around the block, but mostly was saving myself for picking my kids up from school. This last visit to the acupuncturist was to try to balance all my stuff out (she said it differently, but you get the gist?). Up until this point, I was kind of iffy on whether I thought she was actually helping me at all. But this time, I felt like what she was doing was actually doing something to me. I felt feelings in my tummy as I lay there and felt like I could breathe more fully than ever. She felt like all my whatevers were in balance except for my large intestine and she feels that once we get that balanced, I should have less spasms in the rest of my body. I’ve been given an herbal supplement Jia Wei Xiao Yao Wan to take and while I’m not looking for a miracle, I am cautiously optimistic. I had to use the spelling hint to even spell optimistic, which tells you what a pessimist I normally am. I won’t go any further into the details of how the acupuncturist actually puts the needles in and where or how long they are, just in case you are like my hubby and get queasy thinking about it. Think about the most sensitive areas on your body. I’ve probably had a needle there. I’ve reached my current limit for typing (look at me, pacing myself). Here’s to a more balanced large intestine for us all.