No. Not B-O funk. And no. Not George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic funk either. Now The Black Eyed Peas song “Smells Like Funk” is stuck in my head, but that’s not what I’m writing about either. I’m in a what-am-I-good-for funk. I’m in a even-if-I-could-work-no-one-would-want-me funk. I’ve been seriously considering whether I could return to work. Not because I feel well enough to but with the hope that this new doctor I’m seeing next month will be able to kick fibromyalgia’s butt and I’ll be feeling like my old self again. As I am right now, with the spasms and pain, not to mention fatigue, I know that going back to work would be impossible. It’s funny that I think of fatigue last, when it is the biggest obstacle. It’s hard to concentrate on what you’re doing when you’re having spasms, which can be painful or when you are in pain, period. But it is near impossible to concentrate, let alone stand, when you are fatigued. I’m not talking just a little tired, although I feel tired all the time, whether I’ve slept good or not, whether I’ve taken naps or not. Fatigued means having zero energy, dizzy when standing, dozing off all day, feeling like you can’t move your arms or legs, feeling like you have a pound of bricks for brains and if your head weren’t attached, it’d go rolling off your body. I cannot remember the majority of April. Me and my three-year-old slept in till 10:30, we rarely went anywhere and I had a couple of trips to pick up my kids where I honestly felt like I might fall asleep while driving. Now that we’re into June and I haven’t had any fatigue days, just pain and spasms, I’m wondering whether I can go back to work.
All I need is an employer who’ll allow me to take naps during the day, sit in a recliner so I can keep my feet elevated, and will allow me to take any sick days I need when I’m fatigued or in too much pain to work. If the barometer is shifting, I’ll need that day off too. Also, no stress. I cannot handle any extra stress. Forget socializing, because I don’t do that. Unless you want someone with no TMI filter talking to your most important clients and board members? Don’t I sound like the ideal candidate?
So far, the only job I can come up with is stay-at-home Mom and I’m already doing that for free! I take that back. I do get paid in hugs and kisses and little kid jokes. My kids are the best and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Maybe a hot tub. I really want a hot tub. Joking! Only joking. The two older ones are pretty much self-sufficient. Unfortunately, they are masters at pushing each other’s buttons, not to mention mine. They almost make up for all the fighting, both physical and verbal, with the help they give me with the three-year-old. In August they’ll go back to school and the little one will go to preschool, then what am I going to do with myself? Will I finally be able to do my Deepak Chopra’s Leela game? I really liked it the one time I got to play it. Will I finally be able to go to the heated pool in Greeley? The drive to Greeley and back might make the exercises in the pool pointless. Right now, the majority of exercise I get involves laundry, dishes and picking up the crap everyone else leaves laying around.
So my funk continues…and that song is still stuck in my head!