It has been 5 weeks since I’ve written anything. Consequently, the little hamster in my head feels like he’s cornered with no chance of escape. I’ve been fighting panic and anxiety. My disability appeal with the long-term disability company was denied. I haven’t been keeping my daily goal of writing in my journal or doing meditation or yoga every day but I have kept my goal of showering, washing dishes or laundry and hugging and kissing the kids and hubby and telling them “I love you.”
I have started seeing a therapist. She is awesome. This is my first foray into therapy so I wasn’t sure what to expect, but so far I am really liking her approach, which is holistic and I’m feeling positive that she can help me. My parents even commented on how much better my attitude seemed and that was after only one session. I was debating whether to write about this or not. Then I read a blog post by Halfway Between The Gutter And The Stars and I felt like I needed to put this out there. I realized that whether people reading this would judge me was not important. Therapy is helping me. I’m not a bad person because I need it. I’m broken and I’ve been broken for a long time. Taking this step was huge for me.
Whacks, according to my therapist, are those automatic thoughts that pop in your head where you put yourself down or others put you down. So, here’s to whacking myself less and loving myself more.
Side Note: If you aren’t familiar with Roger Miller, he is the best.