Wish me understanding and compassion today. Social Security wants me to see their doctor to determine whether I am disabled or not. They picked my Birthday of all days at 9 o’clock in the morning. I hope they don’t ask me to take my ball cap off. Today I was going to wash my hair but it is too early for a shower. My Mom is driving from Denver very early this morning to take me because I don’t/can’t drive this early. Here is the endless wheel my hampster in my head is on:
– What if I forget to tell him something? I didn’t write down a list of my complaints because I always freak out and end up not looking at the list.
– What if he is not nice? Sometimes, when I think I can tell the doctor is ignoring me, I give up.
– What if he doesn’t believe me? We have all had doctors that look at us like we’re crazy. I even had one call me crazy. He tried to laugh like I was going to laugh along!
– What if, what if, what if!
I think I’m going to meditate on the way there just so I don’t hyper-ventilate.