Fibronaut At Home

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A couple days ago, I smelled smoke.  I thought it was my laptop, because that was where the smoke seemed to be coming from.  After unplugging my laptop and setting it outside, the smoke smell became worse.  Thankfully, I rechecked and discovered what you see above.  I had been using my heating pads constantly and rotating them over my body.  This is one of the only things that soothes my pain.  My lower back was bothering me that morning and so the heating pad ended up shoved partially into the couch cushion.  My couch must have fire retardant on it, because it did not have any black marks.  Now, I only have one heating pad and I’m afraid to use it.  If you use a heating pad, follow the directions printed on the cloth cover.  Make sure you are not bending the cord and turn the heating pad off or unplug when not in use.  This one had an automatic shut-off of 2 hours and nothing on it felt hot when I left it plugged in.  However, my other heating pad, even though it had an automatic shut-off of 1 hour, had a red light that would stay lit to let you know it was off.  I noticed that the control box was often hot when I left it plugged in, even though the actual pad wasn’t on.  It is scary to think what could have happened, had I not been home when this occurred.  I always left my heating pads plugged in, because, if I was sitting down, I was using them.

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Mommy-ing Like a Boss

We are into the second week of school.  Last week was a lot tougher than I thought it would be.  I over-did it every day.  This week, I’m trying to take things a little slower during the day.  I can’t believe how much taking the kids in the morning has changed my day.  On a positive note, I’m up earlier.  I tire easier the rest of the day, though, and I have to save my energy for picking them up from school.  I pick up the two girls at 3 pm and then we find something to do until my son is done with cross country at 4:15-4:30 pm.  My nine-year-old starts volleyball today.  I don’t like to drive back and forth a bunch of times but I need to get the kids fed.  I may have to make sandwiches and pack the cooler.  Here is what my schedule looks like:

3 pm:  Pick up Katie (9 yrs old).  Take chocolate syrup to Aden (11 yrs old) for ice cream after practice.

4:15 pm:  Pick up Aden.

5:00 pm:  Take Katie to volleyball practice.

5:45 pm:  Pick Katie up from volleyball practice.

We only live 3 miles away, but I don’t really want to drive back and forth in between each of these events.  The girls and I may end up going to the library before we pick up Aden.  Then we’ll have to either eat dinner at a fast food place or eat what I pack.  Cam can’t help me because he is doesn’t even get home until after 6 pm.

I should be doing laundry right but I haven’t even finished the laundry I started last Tuesday.  I’m tired and I hurt.  Yesterday, I had to get a Frappe just to make it through picking up my son.  Maybe Emma (4 yrs old) will fall asleep at some point in the afternoon and I can take a nap.

I had to be realistic after last week and bow out of helping with the only home meet for Aden’s cross country.  I just knew that there was little to no chance that I’d have enough energy at that time of day to be any help.  I feel bad for committing and then backing out but I gave the coach a week’s notice, so hopefully I don’t screw up her plans too bad.

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A Question

I have a question for everyone, that I hope you’ll take the time to help me answer.  I have some people friended on my Facebook page from my life pre-fibromyalgia.  It isn’t that I don’t like them, it is just that it sometimes makes me so sad when I see their posts.  They may check my Facebook page from time to time, and I obviously check in with them.  The difference is I always make an effort to like or comment their posts, and the only time I “hear” from them is when their posts pop up in my news feed or I visit their page.  Since their posts have such an effect on me, do you think I should unfriend them?  I just don’t know.  I know that I don’t like it when I go to message someone that I don’t see very often has unfriended me, so I don’t really wan’t to give someone those bad vibes.  I would really appreciate your advice.

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And It Hurt Man! Really Bad!

This is to all my Fibro-fabulouso, Chronically Fatigued Sexy-beast ladies and gents. And everyone else I know. At the end of this video, The Kid President asks you to send this to the people who inspire you. You all inspire me. I try to follow everyone who follows me and reading your blogs and knowing I’m not alone has helped me more than anything else. Every like, every comment, every time I look at my stats and see all of you take the time out of your day to visit my little corner of the world, I get inspired to do more, to be more. Here’s to you, for fighting the fight, like a BOSS!

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Love

Emma with four kitties!

Emma with four kitties!

The kids with Squishy Grandma.

The kids with Squishy Grandma.

Katie with one kitty, holding it baby style.

Katie with one kitty, holding it baby style.

Yesterday, we visited Squishy Grandma (My husband’s Grandma). Aunt Pauline was there. I cannot express how much I love these two women. They were some of the first of Cam’s extended family for me to meet. They greeted me with hugs and told me that they loved me already, just from what he had told them about me. When I was pregnant with Aden, Aunt Pauline and Squishy Grandma gave me great advice and always made me feel like I was beautiful. Side note: These ladies have been known to squeeze a pregnant ladies breast, pat a belly (pregnant or not, just had it happen yesterday) or smack a butt. LOL! During our visit yesterday, there were so many great conversations that I had a migraine last night from the pain in my face. Too much talking and too much smiling, but it was worth it. We talked about how our kids know when they’re in trouble. Mine was when I use my deep-mom-growl voice and Squishy’s was when she cursed at them. Aden got the remote (a huge honor is Squishy’s house) and turned it to Chiller. The movie he was watching was on a scene where two people were making out:

Me: Aden! What are you watching?!
Aden: Humans vs Zombies.
Squishy: Aden! What are you watching?!
Aunt Pauline: Aden! What are you watching?! Is this a sex movie? Are you becoming a perdvert? (That’s how she said it. LOL.) Why are you watching a sex movie?

At this point, Aden is bright red. He growls, yells “Fine! I’ll change it!” and flips to “Duck Dynasty”. LOLOLOLOL!!! So funny!

We talked about my illness and what I’m doing to feel better mentally. We talked about blogging and about how much fun getting to stay home with kids is. Aunt Pauline has Fibromyalgia and Lupus so she is a great support system. I hurt physically when I left but in my heart, I felt renewed.  And we played with kitties and pet her dogs.  Is there anything more fun than that?

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Pain

I hurt…really badly.  All my muscles hurt.  Typing this is not helping.  I have a migraine on top of all this.  I think everything I’ve been doing since Tuesday has caught up to me.  I worked on laundry today when I should have rested.  My son is almost out of sports shorts so I felt like I had no choice.  Ugh.  Tomorrow, I have to take my hubby to his upper g.i. and colonoscopy.  My four-year-old doesn’t have school, so I’ll be keeping an eye on her while he’s off being probed.  Then, if he isn’t done before my oldest two get out of school, I have to pick up my daughter, wait an hour for my son to finish cross country and go back to get my hubby.  I will see if I have to run back to pick him up in between picking up my daughter and son.  An hour after picking up my son, I have a parents meeting for fall sports for my son and then his back to school night is following.  I will be lucky if I am still able to walk after all that tomorrow.

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Crushed It. Whipish.

Please read that title in Fat Amy voice from “Pitch Perfect” with a whipping sound at the end.

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As I kissed my hubby goodbye this morning, he asked me to avoid any near accidents this morning.  I guess if I don’t want him to know about it, I shouldn’t put it on my blog.  It’s nice to know he reads it though.

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Today was my nine-year-old’s first day of 4th Grade and my four-year-old’s first day of Pre-K.  As I’m waiting in the line to drop off my nine-year-old, my eleven-year-old tells me he has to be to school in 10 minutes.  Oops.  I should have known the time he needed to be dropped of because during my freak out about him going to middle school I called the school to find out what time he had to be there.  I had a fibro fog moment and spaced it.  He got there with 6 minutes to get to his locker and then to class.  I know that’s on time, technically, but I’m going to have to figure out something different for tomorrow.

The baby didn’t want me to leave her at preschool.  I thought we’d be okay because when she saw her teacher she dropped her lunch and threw her arms around her for a big hug.  I tried to get a picture, but I was too slow.  After she put her lunch in the fridge, she started hiding behind my legs.  Eventually I convinced her that if she played with something, I would sneak out and she wouldn’t even notice I was gone.  I’ll find out if it worked when I pick her up this afternoon.

No near accidents.  Kids on time.  Crushed it.  Whippish.

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Here We Go

My 6th Grader

My 6th Grader

My son started 6th Grade today.  I decided that I was going to try to take my kids to school this year.  My hubby doesn’t have to be to work until 9 am right now.  Last year, he didn’t have to be to work until 8:30 am and the kids were late all the time.  We open-enroll them so the school district has to approve the kids every year and they are strict on attendance and grades.  Every three tardies is one absence.  I’m tired of worrying about them getting in trouble for tardies.  This morning went well.  I made sure I took my meds, ate a little something and had coffee before we left.  I still had to make sure I concentrate on the road.  Even small distractions are dangerous for me in the morning.  I  was distracted by a mosquito and freaked out the kids when I was trying to kill it.  I had to slam on my brakes when an old guy didn’t have his blinker on and turned in front of me when I thought he was going straight.  I started to go into the gutter when I was singing along to the radio and looking at the corn fields.  Tomorrow will be the real test when I have three kids to drop off and the traffic is tripled.

I’m not as anxious about him starting sixth grade.  I was excited for him this morning and I didn’t cry when I dropped him off.  It was a near thing.  I’m dealing with PMS so that is consuming most of my energy.  I have to do laundry today so that might affect tomorrow as well.  Wish me luck!

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I’m Back…Sort Of

After my sad, pity party of a post the other day, I decided to kick my own ass and get with the program. Four days later, I’m still recovering. I’m still kicking ass, but I hurt a lot. I cleaned the bathroom, did laundry, did dishes, swept and mopped the kitchen and bathroom, and vacuumed the living room. That night, I somehow found the energy for sex. Why did I do that all in one day? What the french toast was I thinking?
It is laundry time again and yesterday I washed dishes again. Just scrolling on the internet has my back and shoulders aching and from my middle toes, up my ankle, I’ve had a horrible pain for the last three days. I keep hoping it’ll go away, but it hasn’t. I can barely walk and nothing relieves the pain. I don’t even know what I did. Plus, all my funny walking now has my knee and hip hurting even worse than normal. I also ran out of my magnesium malate. Could that account for the extra pain?
On a positive note, my clean kitchen, living room and bathroom make me happy. I’ve done a little bit of sewing. Normally, hurting this bad makes me just sit on the couch, but since my heating pads aren’t relieving the pain, I might as well try to distract myself. I have to drive today, so I’m hoping that I don’t have any trouble with that. I am used to using both feet to drive. If I try to use one, I use my right foot, but that is the one that hurts.
I like having a somewhat clean house, but I just don’t know if it is worth this pain. Now my shoulders and neck are screaming from typing this. I have to drive somewhere in 45 minutes and I still need to take a shower. I think I can get away with just wetting my hair and if I wear jeans I won’t have to shave, so I might be okay. There is another reason to be excited for winter. I can be a hairy beast and no one will know.

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Fibronaut on Vacation

I’ve been meaning to write about our vacation that we took at the end of June.  I thought about the things I did to be with my family as much as possible.  I haven’t posted about anything yet because I’ve been all up in my head since we got back.  I don’t really know where to begin.  I’ve got so much bottled up right now and I’m just trying to keep my head above water.  It was great to be able to get away.  I took it slow.  I rested as much as possible.  I’m realizing the most difficult part of vacation is coming back to reality.  I’ve really struggled the last couple weeks to get back into the swing of things.  I feel lost.  Part of the problem is that, while on vacation, we ate out every meal.  I didn’t have to worry about having the energy to feed myself or the kids.  I feel like I was able to do so much more than normal while on vacation, that now I feel like I’m doing nothing.  Now that I’ve finally realized that, you would think I would be a little easier on myself.  I continue to beat myself up about it.

Every time I sit down to rest, my brain goes to everything I should or could be doing.  I’m having trouble sleeping again and having trouble keeping my temper.  I was so rude to a girl selling magazines the other day.  I blew up at the kids for a really stupid reason.  I don’t like myself like this.  My son starts middle school at the end of this month and that is just adding to my stress.  I think I’m more anxious than he is.  I’m having trouble just breathing.  I feel like I could hyperventilate all the time.  I just want to cry and scream.  I really hate myself right now.   I don’t know how to get out of this funk.

I’m still struggling with being unable to work.  I feel like I don’t contribute anything to my family.  I know that’s not true but it feels that way sometimes.  It just sucks so bad trying to live on one income.  It isn’t fair to my kids or my hubby that I can’t work.  I even have one of those dreams that feels like it is real, where I think I’m at work again and I feel so good but then I wake up and I just feel sad.  When I worked, I missed out on a lot of things with my kids.  Sometimes they couldn’t do certain sports or activities because I couldn’t get off of work to take them.  Now I have the time but we don’t have the money for them to do those things.  It hurts to have to tell them they can’t do something because we can’t afford it.  It breaks my heart.  I would make sure I rested all day if I could just do this for them.  Makes me feel like a complete failure as a parent.  I need a hug.

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