Fibronaut At Home

Goals are Good

My goal for today is to be as productive as possible, despite this rainy, mildly chilly, low pressure system that is keeping me down.  I got the kids to the school with the help of coffee and 106.7 FM KBPI (the local rock station) Rocks the Rockies.  A little side note:  The guy who did the “Rocks the Rockies” part, used to come into the gas station my hubby and I worked at.

I Googled a couple of things I’ve been thinking about doing.  I have a sick kid at home, but luckily for me, she is just watching T.V. and eating cuties, which are easy for me to peel.  I was going to bake.  Why?  Why do I do this to myself?  I have zucchini and bananas and some other fruit that need something done with before they start to rot.  I think I’ll wait until Saturday and under the pretense of teaching my kids something, make them do all the work.  My arms and fingers are screaming at me.  I gotta go.  Bye.

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Dear Winter

Dear Winter,

When it was hot in the summer and I was sweating profusely, I pined for you.  I couldn’t wait for you to render me useless beneath heating pads and heated blankets.  I longed for luxurious soaks in Epsom salts baths.  My only desire was to alleviate my pain without sweating like cold drink on a hot day.  No more sweaty under boobs, cracks or crevices of any kind.  No more painful blasts of air-conditioning.

Well, I guess I’m just not ready to commit.  It has become quite clear, that I don’t know what I want or need.  This past Saturday was the first day of Fall.  You know Fall right?  Lower temperatures, kills off all things green?  Sometimes, it rains.  Sometimes, it snows.  Sometimes, it just blows.  

It started yesterday afternoon.  I had been feeling my normal, ho-hum self all day.  Then came the Brick Wall of Fall.  I felt like my battery had suddenly been drained.  And the pain!  Everything hurt.  Face, neck, head, arms, shoulders, hands, elbows, ribs, gut, hips, knees, thighs, and feet.  Pain, pain, everywhere and not a thing to help.  I have one heating pad, since the fire fiasco.  I was already too exhausted to take a bath.  I listened to my “Bedtime Beats: The Secret to Sleep” CD and was able to relax enough to go to bed.

The remainder of my night went like this.  Wake up from dead sleep to use the facilities.  Go back to sleep.  Wake up from dead sleep, in absolute terror, because it sounds like my son is crying and my hubby is yelling like they are being attacked.  Resist the urge to kill hubby, when I realize he is watching “The Walking Dead” and that accounts for the sounds that woke me up from a sound sleep.  Wake up to daughter crying.  Wake up to daughter coughing and Daddy trying to help but Daddy has work, so here I go again.  Sit up with daughter until she falls asleep.  Surf Facebook, because now I’m wide awake and the more my daughter snores and sleeps blissfully, the madder I get that I can’t sleep.  Sleep the rest of the night, eventually.

I feel I’ve digressed, slightly, from my topic.  Hold on a second.  I need to go to the top of this letter and remember why I was writing you a letter in the first place.  Oh, yes.  I remember now.  I was trying to let you down easy.  Since I hurt too bad to sugar coat it anymore, I’ll just put it this way.  Winter, you suck.  I’m not ready to hurt every minute of every day.  I’m not ready to be so tired I can barely walk, let alone do the five hundred other things being a Mom requires.  Also, I was just thinking that maybe I should try selling some of the stuff I sew.  Thanks for taking that dream away from me as well.  I can barely get my kids to and from school and their sport’s practices like this.  My poor Hubby is so grouchy from his work situation, that I am the only one getting anything done around here.

Not to be harsh, but nobody likes you.  Maybe, when it snows and the ground is covered in white and glistens in the sun, but that is the only time.  And, maybe, when you leave the trees all frosted in the morning.  Other than those two instances, you could go away and I wouldn’t miss you at all.  I guess what I’m really trying to say is, I would rather be sweaty, in pain and fatigued from doing more than normal, than to be in pain, fatigued and pretty useless for no good reason at all.

Sincerely,

Fibronaut at Home

PS.  I just realized, this morning, that we would soon have a Daylight Savings Time event.  Bite me, Fall!

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We Got This Wednesday

  • I finished my Father-In-Law’s Elvis curtains.  Shhh.  We’re hanging them tonight, so don’t anybody tell him.  I’d show you what they look like, but my camera is kaput.

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  • I organized the bookshelves in the living room and put pictures we had taken in January in frames.

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  • I finished patching my daughters jeans.  Ditto with the kaput camera on these too.
  • I found Emma a Disney Rapunzel dress at Goodwill for $4.  I had to hand sew one hole, but Emma is now ready for Halloween.  I love poppin’ tags!

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  • I was able to drive to my son’s cross-country meet and cheer him on.

 

Now it is your turn.  Comment, blog or just reflect with yourself on all your accomplishments from the previous week.  No judgments.  No thinking of what you didn’t do or how what you did made you hurt or how long it took you to do it.  Just think about the triumphs, the smiles and the happy-dances.

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Win Some, Lose Some

The hubby and I decided I am no longer allowed to go to the grocery store by myself.  It is Friday and I am still recovering from Wednesday’s trip.  I’ve had headaches, muscle aches, muscle spasms, skin sensitivity, pain everywhere, nausea and extreme fatigue.  Thankfully, I’ve been able to hold my depression off and I’m trying to be kind to myself.  His idea is for us to go on the weekend.

I’m going to probably try to rest all day because my son has a cross country meet this afternoon and I want to go and support him.  I’ll know later if that is possible or not.  What I really need to do is make friends with another cross-country Mom and see if I can’t hitch a ride.  Of course, the girls would have to come too and that makes it more difficult.  I have a hard time asking for help.  I always feel like I have nothing to give in return, so I’d rather not accept help.  It is automatic for me to refuse when someone asks if I need anything.  I do it all the time.  I sometimes catch myself with family and accept their help, but with acquaintances I am much more likely to distance myself.  I hate feeling like a drain, taking everything and giving nothing back.

When I have all these issues with my health, how am I supposed to be there for someone else?  I can barely handle being there for my family.  If we get invited anywhere, I dread accepting, because I know we will not reciprocate with an invitation.  Besides our parents or siblings, we have not had anyone over to our house in years.  Years!  I take that back.  I did have a Home and Garden Party (I think that’s what it’s called) two (?) years ago.  I can’t even remember what year it was.  We cleaned the house from top to bottom.  That is the last time it was cleaned that well.

Muscles are starting to spasm.  I think I’ll try an Epsom salt bath.

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I Promised

I promised (sort of) you a flare post and I don’t want to disappoint you.  There’s dishes to be done, laundry from two days ago to finish, recycling piled up that needs dropping off and my house resembles the aftermath of a tornado.  But I am so tired, I can barely keep my eyes open.  I just almost typed “I” instead of “eyes”.  That is how tired I am.  I couldn’t squander any remaining energy yesterday on taking a shower.  That means that I badly need a shower today.  I have even less energy and more pain than yesterday, though.  Tuesdays and Thursdays are my days from hell because I have Emma all day, I pick up Katie from school at 3, Aden from practice at 4:15 and then Katie has volleyball practice at 5.  It is also my Brother-in-law’s Birthday, so I assume we’re going out to dinner.  If I can ignore all the housework, drink another large coffee and avoid washing my hair and shaving, I might be able to at least accomplish one goal today.  I’m going to need a trip to McDonald’s for a large iced tea and probably need someone to pick me and the kids up on the way to dinner.  I’ll also probably blast some rock in the van so I don’t fall asleep.  Good thing my kids like the music loud.  Well, it depends for Emma.  If she like the music, she dances and sings along.  If she doesn’t like the music, she yells, “It’s too loud!” and covers her ears.  Can I just yell, “It’s too much!” and go back to bed?

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We Got This Wednesday!

  • I remembered that it was Wednesday and that I was going to make “We Got This Wednesday” a weekly thing.  Then, I actually remembered to do this post and did it, before I could forget again.  High Five!

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  • I went grocery shopping this morning.  You can expect a “Flare” post tomorrow, when I can move again.
  • I learned something new, while grocery shopping.  When buying frozen vegetables, pick them up last, then you can put them on places that ache before you put them in the grocery basket.  I wouldn’t be surprised if I am someday featured on “People of Wal-Mart” doing this.
  • I got inspired on some sewing projects.  I haven’t done anything yet, but I’m super excited to someday get to doing these ideas that are in my head.
  • My hubby and I managed to work a New Kids On The Block song into a discussion with our son on why he needs to just sleep in his own bed, without the hall light on downstairs.  It was epic.

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  • While listening to Paramore and doing laundry, my kids were in trouble for fighting.  “Ain’t It Fun” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDQt4KLRT4M) from their new CD came on.  Both of the older kids were blaming each other for the fight.  As I started to explain how each of them played a part in the outcome, the lyrics below came on.  I just sang along to the kids.  Pissed them off even more.  Payback time!

Don’t go crying, to your Momma, ’cause you’re all alone, in the real world. (Repeat 4 times)

Ain’t it fun?  Ain’t it fun?

Baby, now you’re one of us.

Ain’t it fun?  Ain’t it fun?

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Comment if you’d like with your positives from the last week, or share this idea on your own blog.

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Fibromyalgia Problem #371

You get dressed in something cute for once, only to change immediately because clothes you’ve worn comfortably for the last two years, suddenly feel like they’re made out of sandpaper.

 

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Stay Strong Colorado

Stay Strong Colorado

I was born here. I’ve lived here my entire life. It is so sad to see all the destruction, the lives lost and people’s homes and livelihood’s gone. My family and I are safe and are so thankful that we don’t have any flooding in our immediate area, but there is flooding to the South, North, East and West of us. Prayers for Colorado.

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We Got This Wednesday!

I was debating whether to start this or not.  I’ve been thinking about this post for the last couple days, but forgot to post all day long.  For some of you it is probably not Wednesday anymore, but here we go anyway.  I always have to remind myself to recognize everything that I’m doing that is good, even if it isn’t everything I used to do in a day.  When I do this, I get so many positive, happy vibes, that I just can’t contain it.  I have to call my husband or my Mom and say, “Guess what I accomplished today?”  This post is a version of that.  Please feel free to post your own “We Got This Wednesday!” to your blog or comment below.  No judgments, just mad props to all my friends, family and followers.

  • I have reached 100 followers on my blog!  This is really exciting for me.  I don’t even care that half of them are those blogs that tell you how to make money on your blog or are trying to sell me something.
  • I have been taking my kids to school every morning.  Coffee is my best friend.  I’m accident free so far!
  • I am caught up on my dishes.
  • When I originally saved this post to go look for an image, I opened it to discover the majority of my post, lost in the ether.  I went on to re-write my post, better than before.  I’m taking this accomplishment, even though I can’t remember what I wrote before.

encouragement

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Flare

I probably shouldn’t be typing this.  It hurts to type this.  It hurts to sit here.  Today, the sun hurt, my car seat that usually doesn’t bother me hurt, eating hurts, reading to my daughter hurts, my clothes hurt, my bra hurts, my daughter’s hair brushing against my arm hurts and my daughter’s soft skin against my arm hurts.  Everything hurts.  We have a chance for storms tonight, and it is supposed to get a little cooler over the next couple of days.  I want it to be cooler, but not at the expense of my body.

I’m so tired but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep with this much pain and discomfort.  I’m glad I got a little laundry done earlier before this hit.  The breeze coming in the window feels good, but it makes my bones hurt.  I’m under the softest blanket we own, I have on a soft shirt and shorts, inside-out and the cloth burns against my skin.  It’s like I have a sunburn, but I don’t.  I did get a little sun this weekend and at my son’s cross-country meet on Tuesday.  I’ve run myself ragged this week with getting the kids to school, to practice and home.  My floor has been sticky for over a week and it is just getting worse, but there is no way I can do anything about it with how I feel.  Sink is full of dishes, entire bathroom needs scrubbing, still have to finish the laundry I started and Emma has toys from one end of the house to the other.  I need a Fairy-Maid Mother.

My Katie’s first volleyball game is tomorrow at one.  I won’t be able to do anything else before or after if I still feel like this tomorrow.  I’m going to meditate and hopefully that will help.

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