The hubby and I decided I am no longer allowed to go to the grocery store by myself. It is Friday and I am still recovering from Wednesday’s trip. I’ve had headaches, muscle aches, muscle spasms, skin sensitivity, pain everywhere, nausea and extreme fatigue. Thankfully, I’ve been able to hold my depression off and I’m trying to be kind to myself. His idea is for us to go on the weekend.
I’m going to probably try to rest all day because my son has a cross country meet this afternoon and I want to go and support him. I’ll know later if that is possible or not. What I really need to do is make friends with another cross-country Mom and see if I can’t hitch a ride. Of course, the girls would have to come too and that makes it more difficult. I have a hard time asking for help. I always feel like I have nothing to give in return, so I’d rather not accept help. It is automatic for me to refuse when someone asks if I need anything. I do it all the time. I sometimes catch myself with family and accept their help, but with acquaintances I am much more likely to distance myself. I hate feeling like a drain, taking everything and giving nothing back.
When I have all these issues with my health, how am I supposed to be there for someone else? I can barely handle being there for my family. If we get invited anywhere, I dread accepting, because I know we will not reciprocate with an invitation. Besides our parents or siblings, we have not had anyone over to our house in years. Years! I take that back. I did have a Home and Garden Party (I think that’s what it’s called) two (?) years ago. I can’t even remember what year it was. We cleaned the house from top to bottom. That is the last time it was cleaned that well.
Muscles are starting to spasm. I think I’ll try an Epsom salt bath.