I haven’t posted as much as I’ve wanted to over the last month. I’ve been guilt tripping myself whenever I think about my blog, and that was not the purpose of my blog. I’ve had to revisit why I decided to start a blog about my fibro and chronic fatigue. As a result, I feel less stressed about whether I’m posting “enough” or not. I’ve also made a goal to post more on my sewing blog, which is more a “Look what I can do” blog, than anything else. I get so much happiness and fulfillment in cataloging my creative side. For a while, I was considering dumping on or the other of my blogs, but I’ve since decided to create a balance between the two. It’s kind of like feeling guilty for spending more time with one of my children. If I give them equal time, everyone will be happy.
I’ve really been focusing on my posture and my breathing lately. When I go to pick up my kids, I put my seat closer to the wheel and in a more upright position. This helps my arms because I’m stretching them less and it makes me feel more alert and less like I’m so comfortable I just might nod off while driving. If I find myself zoning out, I turn up the radio and force myself to check my mirrors. I check my posture and if I’m clenching the steering wheel or my teeth, I loosen my body and take some deep breaths. If one of my legs or arms is hurting, I try to give that limb a break. I keep them in position, in case I need to use them, but I relax them as much as possible. A lot of my pain comes from clenching my muscles in response to my environment.
We have a new computer, which has it’s advantages over my old laptop. My old laptop has charging problems and that created another level of stress. It makes this horrible noise when the battery is running low, then we have to go through this ritual of unplugging the charging cord and manipulating it so that the laptop charges. The new computer is set up at the kitchen table, which forces me to get off the couch and sit in a normal chair. There is a lot of light in our kitchen and I get my daily dose of sunshine, which is so important. I also practice good posture while browsing the internet and focus on keeping my shoulders lowered and my breathing even. If I’m clenching my teeth, I open my mouth and wiggle my neck to relax those muscles.
I killed my third heating pad. I’ve decided to give up on that. A hot washcloth in a plastic bag, with a towel around it works just as well and there is no fire hazard there. I’ve found a simple pattern for making a rice filled heating pad that you microwave for 10-15 seconds and I’ve decided I’m going to make a couple of those.
My Social Security hearing is next month. STRESS! I have done everything I can do to prepare for this event, so I’m doing my best to just let it go. Helping my doctor fill out the questionnaire made me feel hopeful. My attorney told me that the judge I have relies heavily on what my doctor says, and I’m confident that my doctor understands my condition and abilities and is able to convey the difficulties I face on a daily basis. That is all that I wanted in a doctor. Understanding.
I’ve really been working on being kinder to myself. Today, for instance, has been challenging. There is a storm front blowing through and I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m on my second cup of coffee, which usually stresses me out. I feel like, if I have to drink a second travel mug of coffee, I’ve somehow failed for the day. I have acknowledged those feelings and then told myself, “who cares”. And then I breathe and I’m good. Accept it and move on. I know from experience that on days like today, a shower and picking the kids up from school may be all I accomplish. That is okay. Actually, if you count sitting upright and typing this, I’ve accomplished more that I normally would on a bad day.
Off to the shower, then gentle thoughts, maybe a nap, and then picking up kids. I can do this.