Fibronaut At Home

I Really Miss Working

on May 15, 2014

Really?  Yes.  Really.  I miss working so much.  I loved getting dressed up for work, feeling a sense of purpose every day, knowing I was supporting my family.  I miss my co-workers and I miss my customers.  When the reality set in, that I wouldn’t be going back to work anytime soon, I was in denial.  I had a hard time just driving by my old job, which is on the main street where I live.  Seeing people from work depressed me, even seeing them on Facebook.  I had to remove their posts from my news feed just so I wouldn’t get depressed.  The guy who cleans the bank where I used to work lives the next block over and drives by my house several times a day.  Every time he drove by, I was reminded of what I used to do and what I would never have again.

My brain has had a much easier time of admitting how much I miss working.  I have dreams that feel like they are real about work all the time.  My most recent one was pretty hilarious.  I was at my old desk at work and one of the loan officers needed me to close a loan for them.  We were lending money to Kanye West.  I am giggling as I type this.  Never, in a million years, will Kanye West ever walk into our little town, let alone, the little Ag bank that I used to work at.  Seriously, brain?  Kanye?  I did meet him and start to close the loan.  He was very polite in my dream.  Maybe that’s what woke me up.

That I can even talk about my little work issue is amazing.  I feel like I’ve grown so much in the past year.  I even looked at some former co-workers Facebook pages with only a little bit of melancholy.  I miss them so much.  I’m so glad for the time Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has given me with my kids.  I used to wish I could stay home with them, but knew it would never happen because I HAD to work.  Funny how life kind of gives you what you need most.  I fought it, I over-thought it and I hated it.  It’s time to accept it and move on.


4 responses to “I Really Miss Working

  1. revgerry says:

    Maybe you’ll find a new purpose as a writer?

  2. Julie Ryan says:

    I think we have to rediscover our purpose. I know this is something I’ve been working on and have had many conversations with my husband over. Also, this post is a great response to anyone who thinks that we enjoy sitting at home watching tv all day.

    • csgomez79 says:

      It’s funny because I don’t even turn on the TV anymore. I get my positive music going and I check Facebook and e-mail but I really try not to get lost while doing these things.

      • Julie Ryan says:

        Same here. It’s rare that I bother turning on the tv. I stay busy with writing and researching – on days when my brain is alive. It’s a bad day if the tv is on before hubby gets home.

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