Fibronaut At Home

Interpretive Dance Like No One’s Watching

My daughter Emma is the princess of interpretive dance.  It doesn’t matter where she is; if she hears a beat that catches her ear, she starts dancing.  This morning, as I’m listening to my playlist with Beyonce, Fergie, Jennifer Lopez, Shakira, Meghan Trainor, Destiny’s Child, Iggy Azalea and Nicki Minaj, it occurred to me that I do the same thing.  I’m better at hiding it in public than she is.  I only do shoulder movements, head bobs and swaying hips.  Um.  Maybe I’m not as good at hiding it as I think I am.

Sometimes I get bored with my same work-out DVD’s.  Even ordering different ones from the library doesn’t help.  I just like my music so much that I want to do those moves to songs I like listening to.  Cue interpretive dance as a workout.  I already find myself thinking of the moves I do with the DVD’s that would go with the beat I’m listening to.  I already dance around my house.  Any movement is more than sitting down doing nothing, right?  Hopefully, my hubby’s claim that no one can see me through the windows in the day is correct.  If not, I hope the neighbor’s appreciate the entertainment.

I’m also reminded of a conversation that I had with my Brother-in-Law.  He went to school to be a personal trainer, so whenever I have workout questions, I ask him.  When I was still couch-bound every day, I asked him if just tightening my abs while I sat there was working the muscles.  He said it did, which made me feel like at least I was doing something, even if I wasn’t in full sit-up or crunches mode.  Start small and build from there!

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Not Everyone Will Get It

I have to keep reminding me of this.  I cannot begin to describe how proud I am of myself and how far I’ve come.  Not everyone gets my recovery though.  Although I want to explain, I have to stop myself.  When I was ill, I grew to hate that every conversation I had was in reference to fibro and CFS.  The same thing can happen in wellness.  Everyone wants to know what helped and while I want to share, the answer is not simple.  Simplifying what I did to get where I am now, feels like I’m belittling all I’ve accomplished.

Once I start breaking down everything I’ve been doing to be well, I start thinking I can do without some of those things.  I tried taking only one Naproxen the other day.  I had one of my worst days in memory.  I worked out, blogged, did laundry and cleaned house.  Out of nowhere, along with the extra little pains, came the depression.  I realized I wasn’t listening to my music either.  When I don’t listen to my music and I’m not dancing around and singing, I carry all this tension in my body.  I’m gritting my teeth and my brain is going deeper and deeper inside itself.  Then come the negative thoughts.

Lesson learned:  I don’t need everyone to understand.  Those who are close to me, know.  My hubby gets it and my kids get it.  Having to listen to music, work out, create, eat right and recycle, these are all things that give me positive vibes and help me cope with all the other junk of life.  It’s not a bad thing to need these.  The bad comes when I deny my soul the things I need to flourish.  I feel so much better having written this.  Deep breath in and deep breath out.  I’m content.

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GOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!

I just had to.  We love watching soccer, but don’t actually watch a lot of it.  The World Cup has reminded us of our love for the game.  With our budget, we are on the family plan of Directv, and consequently, most of the games we watch are on the Spanish channel.  We don’t speak Spanish, but they sure add some excitement to the game.

Moving on….

This post has been simmering in my mind for a while now.  Setting goals for myself has been one of the most effective tools in my road to wellness.  I had to look back at my journal to find these.  I started simply, picked  goals that were the most important to me.  1.  Write in journal.  2.  Meditate.  3.  Yoga.  4.  Hug, kiss, love family.

These were my first goals that I set on November 7, 2012.  It is awesome to look back and see how far I’ve come!  At that point, I had started recording what I ate and what I did throughout the day to try and track where my pain was at and really focus on what I was putting into my body.  It really gave me a good idea of what I needed to change in my eating habits.

I found a revised set of goals on July 9, 2013.  1.  Shower.  2.  Journal.  3.  Meditate.  4.  Love.  The simplicity of this list may seem pointless to some, but at that time, I couldn’t handle more than that.  Those were the things I knew I needed to do to heal myself.  

I found “BABY STEPS” written in the margins a couple times and also this list of steps that I felt would help me “be healthy and happy both mentally and physically”.  1.  Focus on the positive.  2.  Offer encouragement.  3.  Yell less, hug more.  4.  Be a better listener.  5.  Be conscious of what you say.

By August 6, 2013, my goals had expanded to add friendship, blog, sew and clean.  I stopped writing in my journal after that.  At this point, I was trying to add getting my kids to school in the morning to my list.  That turned out to be a little too much for my energy level and our budget.  My husband was going that way so it made more sense for him to take them.  I let myself go backwards at that point.  I felt like I had no reason to get up in the morning.  Even if your life changes, there are certain things that are good to keep.  Getting up in the morning with my kids gave me time with them and I felt better with a set wake up time.

February 2014, I got back to my sleep schedule.  I set my alarm for 7 am whether I have anywhere to go or not.  I try to go to bed at the same time, knowing that even if I don’t or if something wakes me up (like my 5 year old kicking me in the face), I don’t have to let that ruin my day.  March 31, 2014, I started journaling again, keeping track of what I did all day; writing down what I was doing and the time I started.  My journal sat on the kitchen counter.  I was amazed by all that I accomplished in a day.  Writing down the time I started something made it crystal clear how long or short tasks took me to complete.  When you are on the internet or watching television all day, you lose so much time.  Tracking my time made me aware of how I was spending my time and let me set goals to spend that time better.

I set goals again, but they expanded beyond what I ever thought I’d be capable of again; feed the cats; straighten the bed; shower; clean the cat litter; dishes; straighten the bathroom.  I started with those things and built upon them.  It became a challenge to me.  I even wrote “no excuses” a couple of times.  There was no judgement if one day’s list was longer than another day’s.  Being kind to yourself, forgiving yourself and loving yourself is key.

May 21, 2014 was the last day I kept track of what I did all day.  I started to notice I was writing less and less of what I’d done with the time; not because I wasn’t doing anything, but because I was doing so much that it became tedious to stop by my journal all the time.  I feel so positive now, that I don’t need to chronicle every little achievement.  I can look at something, see the changes I’ve made in that part of my environment and feel pride in myself.  I don’t look at the things I do with a critical eye and I don’t talk down to myself.

I’m still the same person, I just look at everything differently.  I don’t wish things were different, I make them better, or I let it go.  It is a beautiful way to be.  Yesterday was kind of rough.  We did so much the two days prior and went to bed so late, that I was dragging butt all day long.  We went to a late lunch and then to an arcade/mini-golf place.  I mostly sat and read, while I let everyone else run after kids.  I just didn’t have any fuel in the tank.  And it was okay.  I was there, even if I wasn’t up to participating, I was there.

Today, I’ve already checked my garden, watered the lawn, posted to both blogs, and started laundry.  I have plans to finish laundry, weed the garden, do my Zumba DVD, and finish a skirt I started sewing last week.  I may even do more than that, but even if I don’t, it’ll still be okay.

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More Workout Trial and Error

Oh Lordy Magordy!  I just did the majority of Piloxing.  It was awesome.  The workout combines boxing pilates and she even adds some dance moves.  I love Vivica Jensen, the woman who does the DVD.  She has a great attitude and reminds you to only do what you can, but to try and push yourself.  I also love that the women doing the workout with her are different sizes and different levels of fitness.  I think most fitness DVD’s only have people who are really in shape doing the exercises.  When I was huffing and puffing or had a pain face on, I could see that reflected in other women’s faces.  It was nice because I didn’t feel so bad for being out of breath or for modifying the moves if they were too much for me.

I didn’t do the floor portion of the workout, but I did try.  My muscles felt like jello after the standing portion, so I just skipped to the cool down.  The DVD also reminded me what I liked so much about pilates.  Pilates helps you to lengthen your body and muscles.  You are toning without bulking up.  I had a huge smile on my face at the end.

I also tried Belly Dance Fitness for Weight Loss: Cardio Shimmy.  I thought I’d love this one, because I loved the other belly dance DVD by the same company.  I didn’t make it past 5 minutes.  There’s a lot of fast moves on your tip-toes.  I felt like the hippo ballerinas in Fantasia, except less graceful.

After having the kids making fun of me when I was working out the other day, I decided to work out before they woke up this morning.  Don’t ever let other people’s opinion of you stop you from doing what you want or need to do.  There’s a reason I don’t go to fitness classes, and since The Peanut Gallery can’t contain their horror at me in a sports bra and shorts, I’ll just work out earlier.  It’s good for them to see what a real, unphoto-shopped body looks like though.  I think that when the cousins go home, I’ll continue my normal workout routine.  When my kids complain about me working out, I’ll just make them work out with me.  Ha!

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