Fibronaut At Home

I’m Afraid

on August 26, 2014

I’m trying to be positive and keep an open mind, but I’m really struggling right now.  I’ve decided that I NEED to work while the kids are in school.  Just part-time and nothing stressful, but I’m having so much anxiety in just filling out applications.  Why?  I’m afraid that this is just confirming what I already suspected.  The mental aspect of returning to work is going to be much more difficult than the physical.  The apps are filled out.  I just need to return them.

Here’s what runs constantly through my brain:

What if no one will hire you?

What if they do hire you and you can’t handle it?  

Should you be printing out your resume and trying for something more than the grocery or hardware store?

And so on, over and over, until I’m a mess.  I’m carrying so much anxiety in my body that I’m having fatigue and pain!  I haven’t really had to deal with this in months.

At home, doing the things I do around the house, I feel great.  So great, that I feel like I’m not doing enough.  It’s great to have a clean house, but that’s not really helping with paying the bills.  My hubby isn’t putting any pressure on me, this is all coming from myself.

I think I’m going to have to dig deep, journal some more about what I’m really afraid of.  This is going to take ovaries of steel.

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3 responses to “I’m Afraid

  1. painfighter says:

    All you can do is put the applications out there and let the universe do what it will. Remind yourself that the fact that you even feel up to contemplating a part term job is a HUGE victory for a fibro sufferer! You will end up with a job you are meant to end up with, or that’s what I have found over the past 5 years. Hang in there and try not to stress.

  2. The Hubby says:

    Take a deep breath…let it out…repeat. Just remember that no matter what you choose we will be right behind you on it.
    P.S. Only a fool wouldn’t hire my super smart and super sexy wife?
    Love ya

  3. Julie Ryan says:

    Just breath. You are creating the stress by letting these thoughts run rampant. Just do what you can and breath. If you are meant to find a job, the right one will come to you. I’ve been there where I resisted trying to do something for fear of how it might turn out, I finally had to let go and just see what happened. I’ve been happy with how things have turned out since then. I still resist things at times, but I remind myself that nothing bad will come of the effort. It is what it is. I wish you good luck finding the right situation for your needs.

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