I’m trying to be positive and keep an open mind, but I’m really struggling right now. I’ve decided that I NEED to work while the kids are in school. Just part-time and nothing stressful, but I’m having so much anxiety in just filling out applications. Why? I’m afraid that this is just confirming what I already suspected. The mental aspect of returning to work is going to be much more difficult than the physical. The apps are filled out. I just need to return them.
Here’s what runs constantly through my brain:
What if no one will hire you?
What if they do hire you and you can’t handle it?
Should you be printing out your resume and trying for something more than the grocery or hardware store?
And so on, over and over, until I’m a mess. I’m carrying so much anxiety in my body that I’m having fatigue and pain! I haven’t really had to deal with this in months.
At home, doing the things I do around the house, I feel great. So great, that I feel like I’m not doing enough. It’s great to have a clean house, but that’s not really helping with paying the bills. My hubby isn’t putting any pressure on me, this is all coming from myself.
I think I’m going to have to dig deep, journal some more about what I’m really afraid of. This is going to take ovaries of steel.