Fibronaut At Home

Doctor Blues

I don’t know if it is just me, but I get really sad after visiting the doctor.  I have felt blue all day.  I don’t know if it’s because there is really nothing new when I go there or if I’m let down because he doesn’t say, “Surprise!  There’s a miracle pill just for you!”  I have a feeling it’s a little of both.  Today, he talked to me about grape seed extract, fish oil and upping my thyroid meds three days a week to see if that helps.  He sells the grape seed extract for only $57.50.  No thank you.  I’m not saying it wouldn’t help, but I’m pretty sure I could get it cheaper somewhere else.  I was taking fish oil last year and he scoffed at it and said something about it not really helping anything.  Grrrr!  Now you want me to take it, but let me guess:  You want me to buy it from you.  He also gave me a list of online resources and other things I could do to have better days.  I’m already doing a lot of what he suggested, so I guess that’s good.

I’m torn between whether I should find a new doctor or not.  On the one hand, this doctor is very sympathetic to fibro and willing to think outside the box.  On the other hand, he is so far away, the hubby has to drive me, and he is always trying to sell me some kind of vitamin or herbal remedy.  I would love to find a doctor in my area, but dread going through the whole process.

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Let The Freak Out Commence!

I know I just posted this morning (if you haven’t read that one, scroll down now so we’re all on the same page)  but I’m beginning to panic.  I need to purge and then I will hopefully move on.  The Social Security doctor was nice enough and pretty cute but very brief.  I told my hubby the appointment was quick and dirty.  My hubby replied “just the way I like it”.  Hardy-har-har.  I told him “but he didn’t even buy me dinner.”  A heartier hardy-har-har with a snort at the end.  We were halfway home when I realized that the doctor didn’t even ask me about my depression and I forgot to put down anything about my anxiety or thyroid.

Sigh.  Cue the beginning of panic mode.  There is nothing I can do about it now.  He just went through his questions so fast.  I know he was probably trying to trip me up.  He made me walk and do all these other movements, which I can do, I just have a lot of pain during and after.  I made sure I told him that and I made sure I told him of the pain with repetitive motion.  I also made sure to mention the fatigue.  So now all I can do is wait for their decision.  I need to be realistic and not  get my hopes up.  The worst that could happen is for them to deny me.  We’ve been surviving for almost a year on one income.  We just have to keep on, keeping on.

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Happy Birthday to me!

Wish me understanding and compassion today.  Social Security wants me to see their doctor to determine whether I am disabled or not.  They picked my Birthday of all days at 9 o’clock in the morning.  I hope they don’t ask me to take my ball cap off.  Today I was going to wash my hair but it is too early for a shower.  My Mom is driving from Denver very early this morning to take me because I don’t/can’t drive this early.  Here is the endless wheel my hampster in my head is on:

– What if I forget to tell him something?  I didn’t write down a list of my complaints because I always freak out and end up not looking at the list.
– What if he is not nice?  Sometimes, when I think I can tell the doctor is ignoring me, I give up.
– What if he doesn’t believe me?  We have all had doctors that look at us like we’re crazy.  I even had one call me crazy.  He tried to laugh like I was going to laugh along!
– What if, what if, what if!

I think I’m going to meditate on the way there just so I don’t hyper-ventilate. 

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Go Away Winter

I did not realize how lucky I’ve been that we’ve had a mild winter.  The storm blowing in right now has my muscle spasming so painfully.  It is not a quick spasm either.  They last for three or four seconds and then I get a couple seconds break before they spasm again.  I’m getting a headache too.  It probably does not help that I was so foolish on Monday.  I thought I’d try driving to my doctor’s appointment over an hour away.  Even with relaxing at stoplights, deep breathing and making sure I relaxed in between, I couldn’t make the drive home and was so exhausted that I slept all the way home.  Yesterday my legs hurt but today my muscles along my hips and my muscles along my shins are spasming.

I am so tired of being a burden to everyone.  My hubby has to take of work to take me to appointments or my Mom takes me but then my hubby still has to drive me an hour and a half to her house, so that is three hours of him driving after he’s worked all day.  Then after my appointment my Mom drives me home and then drives herself home which amounts to almost four hours of driving for her.  I wanted to be able to drive myself to my appointment, but obviously that isn’t going to happen.

Just tried to do laundry but that is going to have to wait another day.  Just typing this is making my finger muscles and arm muscles cramp.  Hope the hubby can cook dinner.  If not, the eleven-year-old will be making us frozen pizzas again.

Quick note on my doctor’s appointment, my blood work showed inflammation so he upped my Naproxen and told me to up my Baclofen before bed to help me sleep better.  He’s concerned but wants to see if the Naproxen helps.

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