Fibronaut At Home

This might be working!

I am hesitant to post this, because I don’t want to jinx myself.  This is week 2 of taking an extra 30 micro grams of thyroid medication on M-W-F and I think I like the results.  I’m going to call my doctor to get my new prescription.  The last two weeks have contained some of the most positive days I remember having in a very long time.  Even with the pain and the fatigue factor, I am still able to remain positive.  I’ve been staying busy and been able to meet or exceed my goals.  I’ve even added daily goals!  I’ve had several days (last Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and yesterday) where I had some serious negativity or depression and frustration and those were days where I didn’t take the extra 30 micro grams.  Today, I’ve already had to pick up my daughter from school early and had an unexpected (but very positive) visit and I’m handling it like a champ.  I’m even considering going to visit someone with the kids after school.  I don’t want to go into details with that, but there could be some drama, which has kept me away for the past month, but I feel like I can handle it.  This is huge for me.  Even though I had some negative feelings after my last doctor’s appointment, he really has helped me.  No other doctor would even have touched the thyroid issue because my tests were in the “normal” range.  I guess the real test will be to see how I do once I start taking the higher dose.

I had to add brain fog as a tag, because I accidentally posted this on my sewing blog and had to go copy the body and delete the post from my sewing blog.  Where’s my pill for foggy brain?  Maybe another cup of coffee is in order.

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We Got This Wednesday

Daylight Savings Time Edition:

Prior to setting my clocks back one hour this weekend, I wasn’t doing too bad.  I’d gone to two Halloween parties in one day.  I took one day of recovery and then cleaned the next day.  My pain was what it usually is and even though my fatigue was worsening, I still felt like I could function enough for a family outing.

Cue Daylight Savings Time or what I call, massive confusion of my body clock followed by self destruct protocol.  Kind of a mouthful, but very apropos.  I went with the fam to the museum.  Pain, Fatigue, Dizziness and Fog came too.  We went to visit my Mom.  Pain, Fatigue, Dizziness and Fog, again, followed.  I should’ve expected this, but I was kind of hoping that gaining an hour would be better than losing an hour.  Clearly, I need to review former blog posts, as I have written about this before.  Every day since has been a foggy, fatigued, painful mess.  I did manage to vote yesterday, which would’ve been so much easier had I remembered to mail in my ballot before Saturday.  I also got towels and jeans washed today.  Thankfully, we are all experts at digging through baskets for clothes now.  As long as the kids underwear and socks hold out, we’ll be good.  Otherwise, I might have to invent a game where the kids hunt through the hampers for the dirty underwear and socks.  Of course, with the way they react when finding someone else’s underwear when they’re folding clean clothes, that might just make more work for me.  I’ve been napping every day and drinking a second cup of coffee before I attempt picking the kids up from school.  I still feel like I’m giving a bump on a log a run for their money, though.

I know I’m supposed to be positive, but I am just so tired and I hurt so much worse right now.  If I could just accomplish more than keeping myself and the children alive that would help my outlook.  Ugh.  I have to get in the shower and then pick up the children, but my body doesn’t want to move.  Kiss my grits, Daylight Savings Time.

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The Nice Weather Curse

Yesterday was the first day in the last couple weeks where we had nice weather.  I was up and about earlier than normal, feeling better than I have in months.  I think you know what’s coming.  I’m so behind on everything because we’ve had a couple snow storms come through and storms always wipe me out.  I started with dishes and loading the dishwasher.  Then I washed pans.  I swept the kitchen floor, moved the chairs out to the deck and ran the Mint a couple times so I wouldn’t have to mop.  Last week someone spilled blueberries in the crisper drawer so I washed that too.  I even emptied the dishwasher, which I usually save for the kids or for the next day.   By the afternoon I could barely move my arms.  I had to turn down the radio while driving so I could concentrate enough to stay on the road.  I could barely hold the wheel and my legs were having trouble pressing the gas and brake pedals.  Every single muscle hurt.  My hubby is sick and I had to go to the store for him.  I was in so much pain and walking so slow and I know the misery showed on my face.  I’m sure the checker thought the medicine was for me.  I took a hot bath and even that didn’t help.  I had two heating pads rotating from my feet to my knees to my hips to my hands to my arms to my shoulders to my back.  

Today I am no better.  I hurt my thumb twisting the bag of bread this morning.  I slept in but feel like I didn’t sleep at all.  I’m stiff and I hurt.  I have 4 hours before I have to pick up the kids but we need toilet paper and my hubby is still sick so that leaves me to go to the store.  It might be time to train the 11-year-old on running into the store for me.  I’ve only been awake two hours.  Is it too early to take a nap?

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Some Days

Some days are just too much.  Too much pain.  Too much fatigue.  So you push yourself because you can’t live with yourself if you just sit on your ass all day.  Then you hurt worse than before and you’re so tired you can barely lift your arms.  Your legs feel like they’re going to give out on you.  Who wants to live like this?  It’s not even living.

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Still Needing That Do Over

I slept in late with my sick three-year-old because when she doesn’t get any sleep, neither do I.  In a moment of fibro-fog last night, I had the three-year-old drink a bunch of water before bed to try to make sure she wouldn’t start coughing when she laid down.  Someone turned off the bathroom light so when she got up to go she got scared, laid back down next to me and fell back to sleep.  You can guess what happened next.  1:30 am found me tearing the sheets off the bed and stumbling down the stairs to get her clean pajamas.  The rest of the night I kept waking up to make sure she didn’t need to go to the bathroom again.  Sleeping in until 10 am means nothing to me after all that.

I am still in a ton of pain, both Fibromyalgia and the PMS variety.  I feel like there’s a little clawed demon inside my womb, trying to claw it’s way out and I’m being haunted by a ghost who’s punching me in the vagina.  Maybe I’m wrong, but menopause can’t be this bad.  I already have hot flashes whenever I do more than sit on the couch.  My muscles all feel like jello.  I was so exhausted before picking up the kids from school that I thought I’d try to take a quarter of a nuvigil.  I am unimpressed so far.  The last time I took one I had energy but my pain was so bad it didn’t matter.  Today’s results are kind of the same.  I still hurt, I’m still tired and my muscles still feel like jello.  I decided to wash my kitchen curtains and vacuum the dust bunnies off the walls for some ridiculous reason and my arms are shaking and in pain.  My back is starting to spasm now.  At least I know why I was so depressed the last week.

I’m curious if anyone else has tried nuvigil and what results they had.  My doctor said that the patients he’s had try it have loved it.

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The Perfect Storm

  • A cold day with snow and wind.
  • Laundry with trips up and down stairs.
  • PMS
  • A sick three-year-old
  • Several large medical bills along with a letter from our home insurance raising our deductible in the mail.

All this today has me hurting, depressed and grumpy.  Can I get a do over?

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Re-learn Something Every Day

I should know by now that trying to go to bed when I’m not feeling sleepy and I’m having noticeable pain is not a good idea.  It is like I forget all the years I’ve tossed and turned for hours before falling asleep and I decide that maybe if i just lay down, I’ll get lucky.  I should know that will probably never happen.  It is 12:20 am and my muscles are aching and feel worn out.  I can already feel the weather we’re supposed to get on Thursday.  I really hope the weather doesn’t start another Fibro flare.  I am just getting my house back in order after the last one and I have way too much to get done before the kids are home on Christmas break.

I feel like I just did laundry and already it needs to be done again.  Is it just me or does dirty laundry replicate itself in the laundry hamper?  Same question, only with dirty dishes?  I already know that all my children have to do is drop one piece of cereal on the floor and the instant the cereal hits it multiplies itself by five.  Also, my children can fill a glass full of water and not spill a drop but give them anything sugary-sticky and suddenly they have two left feet and no oppose-able thumbs.

Now that these late-night ramblings are off my chest I’m starting to feel sleepy.  Oh, wait.  I jinxed it.  I shouldn’t have acknowledged that I might be getting sleepy.  I give up.  Good night all.

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Flare with a capital F

Tuesday:  Just in time for the holidays and for my little girl’s ninth Birthday, I am having the flare from hell.  It started with me going off my Lyrica, my three-year-old being sick and a friend passing away so I’m not sure which of these things are to blame or if it is the combination of the three.  I’ve slowly stepped down from the Lyrica so it is not like I just went cold turkey.  Thanks to my hubby and kids for keeping up on the dishes for me.  I just tried to load the dishwasher and didn’t even get halfway done.  I can barely raise my arms so hopefully a little rest will allow me to finish.  Good thing the kids are off after today for Thanksgiving Break or else laundry would be piling up even higher than it is.

Wednesday:  I am on day two of this post because my arms wouldn’t allow me to type anything further.  My Katie helped me “finish” what I could of the dishes yesterday and today the kids helped me start laundry.  I am so thankful that I got Katie’s birthday presents done when I did, before my arms went floppy and the pain doubled.  After 9 days of being in a flare I am hoping that this one is almost done.  I was going to do some meditation-sewing today but it is really hard to focus on anything else when I am this tired and when my house is in tornado-mode.  My arms are done with typing.  In case I don’t get to post again for Thanksgiving, I hope everyone has a wonderful day with their family and friends.

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Confessions (gasp!) of a Mommy with Fibromyalgia

My house is a disaster area and the next person who comments on it can clean it for me if it bothers them that much (hint, hint).

My 10-year-old and 8-year-old get themselves ready in the morning.

My 10-year-old and 8-year-old get their three-year-old sister ready in the morning too.  I do sometimes lift my head from my pillow to offer groggy, bleary-eyed and often unnecessary advice.  They are pros.

My husband gets himself ready in the morning (GASP!!!).

My husband gets himself out of bed in the morning (DOUBLE-GASP!!!)

I don’t do ironing.  Seriously.  Eventually the wrinkles smooth themselves out and that is what the “wrinkle-release” cycle on the dryer is for.

I always have laundry piled up, waiting to wash or dry or fold or put away.  Have I mentioned I really love the “wrinkle-release” cycle on the dryer?

My children (with the exception of the three-year-old and my husband) fold their own laundry and put their own laundry away.  Sometimes, they wash their own laundry.

I’ve made it one of my goals to do dishes every day.  I said it’s a goal, not a sure-thing.

Although my daughters and I require zero aim when using the toilet, the two who do have to “shoot for the target” and are therefore the most likely ones to cause the curious yellow stains around (and I mean AROUND) the toilet have NEVER (that I can recall) cleaned the toilet.  This isn’t really a confession, but a strongly worded hint.  I mean, really.  I only have so many “spoons” a day and to spend even a quarter of one of my spoons on the toilet is not only unfair, but cruel and unusual punishment.

My three-year-old gave me the nickname of “Sleepy-head-Mommy, wake-up!”

I don’t like to wash my hair every day and so I’ve gone poo-free so that my hair produces less oil and is less dry, requiring less maintenance.  I wash my hair with a baking soda and water solution and only put conditioner on the ends.  Don’t go “EWWW!”  I watched several videos on YouTube and read several blogs before starting this.  Google it.

I don’t clean the kitty litter until I either can’t stand it anymore or my husband complains about it.  I would now tell my husband to refer to the first confession on this blog but Alice The Cat is my cat and he’d probably let her outside for the fox to eat if I started asking him to clean the litter.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly bad (pain, fatigue, PMS, depressed) and my children start whining, I let them do whatever they want.  Third bubble bath of the day?  Sure!  Play XBOX even though your room isn’t clean?  Why not?  Eat every junk-food item in the house in rapid succession?  Your Dad will be home soon so don’t let him catch you eating that.

My husband is moving my three-year-old’s toys to behind the couch to try to contain her mess to that area.  This isn’t a confession either, but I wanted someone else to laugh at him on that one with me.

“God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt” is my new motto.

Any and all word problems in my kids homework are saved for when Daddy gets home.

My three-year-old is potty trained but refuses to wipe herself after going #2.  She instead hollers “Mom!  I pooped!”  It sometimes takes me so long to get there to help that she has started singing to herself while she waits.  It’s almost like I’m on “Jeopardy”.

My kids have learned to read my lips.  Especially when I’m mouthing “Ask your Dad.”

If what I wore to bed the night before is sweat pants and a t-shirt, I’m probably picking up my kids from school in it.

Actually, I should clarify.  That was the old me.  The new me has a new goal of taking a shower every day and so I usually do have clean clothes on by 2:30 pm when I pick up the kids from school.  If I’m not going anywhere else, however, I immediately change back into my comfy clothes.  Also, showering is another goal, not certainty.

The only reason, besides company coming over, that I clean my living room, is so I can do my yoga or my “Deepak Chopra’s: Leela” on the XBOX Kinect.

I don’t procrastinate.  I just forget.  Until it is too late.  Then I remember.

How long does it take three kids, one husband and one fibro-fighter to clean a house?  I’ll let you know if it ever happens.

Wait!  I had a Celebrating Home party in March and my house was clean then.  Unfortunately, that is the last time my house was clean.

My daughter once took a moldy sandwich to lunch for school.  I swear that I checked that bread while making that sandwich.  I’m also pretty sure that this happened before my diagnosis but I’m still using fibro-fog as an excuse.

I’m pretty sure I’ll think of more of these gems after I post this, but if I’m going to meet any of my “goals” today, I better get my butt off the couch.  Besides, my daughter has a friend coming over after school today and I can’t see my living room floor.  I jest.  I can see my living room floor, it’s just covered with crap at the moment.

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PMS

I know that you are supposed to enjoy your time on this earth and be thankful for all you have, but can I just rant and wish for the future for a moment?  I cannot wait for menopause!  At least I think.  Please correct me if I’m wrong, but having fibromyalgia and chronic pain and fatigue has got to be easier without the monthly aggravation (additional pain, nausea, fatigue) of PMS, right?  Please, someone tell me that it gets better.  Right now, I would not be surprised if there were little humanoid, clawed beings trying to scratch their way out of my uterus.  My forehead feels like it’s the heaviest thing on my body and everywhere I look I see those shadowy images I get right before a migraine.  

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