Fibronaut At Home

Go Susie! Go Susie! Go Susie! Go Susie!

SQUEEEEEE!!!!!

I did it.  I went on an interview.  Phew.  It went really well and I’m feeling really good about this.  No ifs, ands or buts.

I have a huge balloon full of squeals in my chest.  I let a really long squeal out as soon as I was in my car.  Good thing I was parked around the corner.

Probably the best part of the interview was when I was able to say that I was confident my fibromyalgia or CFS wouldn’t affect my ability to do any of the tasks associated with the job.  THAT IS HUGE!

Now, I’m off to walk the dog and I have so much happy energy, I’m going to ZUMBA when I get back.

YAY!

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Day Dreaming

I was just looking at the houses for sale in the community that me and the hubby have always dreamed of living.  After all the coulda-woulda-shoulda’s and all the disappointments of the last couple years, it’s really nice to have dreams again.  I’m filled with hope.  Our day will come and hopefully we’ll appreciate it all the more.  For three years, my only focus has been fibro and CFS; How I’m feeling and not much else.  I feel like I have a new focus.

The hubby and I had a conversation while in a meeting the other day.  I found out that he isn’t all that concerned about me going back to work.  I just assumed that was the end goal.  Turns out he likes me staying at home, taking care of the kids and me.  How lucky am I?  For now I’m just home with the kids for the summer.  Next year I’ll try my hand at volunteering at their schools, maybe join the PTO.  It’s really fun to torment my 12 year old that I can’t wait to see him when I volunteer at his school next year.  Maybe I’ll have to start using that as a reward; Do this for me and I won’t show up at your school next year.

I’ve even been socializing.  GASP!  I’ve been socializing and not over-thinking every conversation or re-playing every moment and judging myself.  If I find myself starting that mess, I just say out loud, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”  Sometimes, I even Richard Smiley it and go look in the mirror.  Say it with me: “I’m good enough.  I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”

I still want to write on my sewing blog more.  I let it go as long as I’m taking the time to sew instead.  I have lost a little weight and gained a little muscle, so I need to take in some of my clothes too.  I’ve even been doing workout videos.  Real ones.  Not just yoga for aches and pains and arthritis and older people.  I did Zumba and I did a hula one.  When somebody tooties their flutie, I gots to shake my booty (Donkey from Shrek), and now I can do it without hurting myself.

My house is clean.  This deserves it’s own paragraph because, holy crap, it’s freaking amazing.  It’s clean and I did most of it.  The trick is, once you get something clean, you clean it again before it’s at the FUBAR level.  My living room gets vacuumed every other day and the toilet gets cleaned whenever it looks even a little bit dirty.  I do dishes after every meal and I do laundry twice a week.  I don’t sit down on the couch.  That used to be my spot.  I close all the recliners, fold all the blankets and stack the pillows, so I’m not tempted.  As soon as my bed is empty, I make it.  I am much more reluctant to mess it up after I take the time to make it pretty.

I’ve struggled a little with people’s reactions to how much better I’m feeling.  It’s not a miracle, just a lot of little things that I’m doing right.  I don’t allow negative thoughts and I shake off any negative feelings.  I stay positive and when I feel myself slipping, I write in my positivity journal and I listen to my upbeat, encouraging music.  I started small.  Small goals and small jobs around the house.  Every day I added new goals or I cleaned one more thing.  I’m going to paint a sign to hang above my front door that says, “Make today awesome.”  I want my whole family to experience the happiness and contentment I’m feeling right now.  I didn’t write about this sooner because I didn’t want to jinx it.  Now, I’m not going to shut up about it.

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Random Cleaning: The Happiness Booster

I have discovered something.  Just cleaning one little random thing a day, makes me happy.  Here is the trick.  Pick something that has been bugging you lately.  For instance, yesterday, I picked the shelf in my bathroom.  It’s dusty.  I see it every day and every day, it’s sticking its tongue out at me, saying, “Look at me!  And there’s nothing you can do about it!”  So I moved crap off of it and dusted it yesterday.  Instant boost to my happiness factor.  There are things I have to do every day, like dishes, showering and picking up the kids from school.  Just because those take the majority of my energy, doesn’t mean I can’t sneak in one little task that makes me feel just a little bit more in control of my day.  I don’t go crazy.  I didn’t clean the rest of the bathroom.  Just that one little thing made my day.

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Give Thanks Not Spanks

 

Give Thanks Not Spanks is what I’m calling this weekend.  My kids are being kids and I’m not worrying about anything.  I want to enjoy my family, eat a lot of good food, watch football, watch any corny T.V. specials that are on and that is it.  No mas.  I’m not going to worry about laundry, dishes, dirty floors or any other housework related thing.  I’m going to do what is necessary and no more.

I’m especially not going to let any of the drama that can be associated with family gatherings touch me.  I am a bubble of happiness.  I am the unicorn, farting glitter, spreading rainbows wherever she goes.  I am making cheesy potatoes and spinach stuffed mushrooms and you can eat them or don’t, because if you don’t, that just means there’s more for me.  I am painting my nails in a turkey/thanksgiving theme and maybe my toenails too.  That is it.  I’ll help clean up after dinner, but that is it.

Kids:  If you need something, you better ask your Dad, because I am relaxing this weekend. 

Hubby:  If you need something, get it yourself.

Just kidding.  You can ask me and I might help you out, but only if I was already getting up.  Otherwise, refer to the previous note.

And if you thought this post was going to be about the body shapers, Spanx, I’m so sorry to disappoint.  I’ve never worn Spanx, nor do I plan to ever wear them in the future, so you’ll have to go somewhere else for any Spanx related hijinks.  Although, I’m pretty sure that if you gave someone Spanx on Thanksgiving, they’d probably cross you off their invite list for the next year.  So, if you’re invited somewhere and you’d rather not go, give them Spanx.  You are welcome.

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Light a Candle

On my Facebook news feed today, there was a quote that really caught my attention: “It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” The meme on Facebook attributed this quote to Eleanor Roosevelt, but a quick Bing search attributed several other sources, including JFK, Chinese proverb and others. I don’t know who to attribute it to, but I like it. After my post the other day that started off positive and upbeat and devolved into a mini anxiety attack, I was feeling pretty disgusted with myself. I made a conscious decision to get up off my behind and do something more productive than whine. Not an easy task when you are tired and hurting but a necessary one. I have to stop focusing on what I can’t do and start being grateful for all that I am doing. My three-year-old was at home, so we went outside to enjoy the beautiful weather. She suggested a walk. We took the dog and walked two blocks to check the mail. That was just the motivation I needed. When we got home, we rested, re-hydrated and rested some more. After picking up the older two from school later in the afternoon, I worked on my garden. I was absolutely exhausted afterwards, but mentally I was so much better. My day started out with so much regret and guilt and ended beautifully. Two years ago, I was in my recliner all day long. I was afraid of my body. I wasn’t driving at all. I couldn’t laugh, rarely smiled and had regular thoughts of suicide and self-harm. I was on medications that were giving me more side effects than relief. I felt every glance my way, took that energy in as negative energy and assumed every opinion towards me was hateful. I had little compassion for myself. I have grown so much since then. I am off of those medications that were hurting more than helping. I can drive. I can take care of myself and my kids. I can do housework. I have a hobby I love. I have a loving, understanding family. I am up and I am moving most days. I can acknowledge the pain and fatigue without letting them take over. I have lost 30 pounds. I can wear my size 12 shorts. I can laugh and smile and enjoy myself. Will I hurt or be fatigued in the next second/minute/hour? Probably. I can’t afford to let that stop me. Finding a balance with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome is about taking advantage of every moment. If I start feeling OK early in the day, I don’t look at the clock and think “It’s only nine am. I better sit here for another hour or two before I attempt anything”. Instead, I get up and give myself the opportunity to do something other than sit. If there is any pain or fatigue, I take it slower but I keep going. Since getting my garden half planted two days ago, I’ve been getting off the couch before 10 am so I can get it watered before the heat of the day hits. Then I rest. Then I do something else. Then I rest. And that is okay. Yesterday, while sorting laundry, I listened to upbeat music while I sorted, swaying and moving my body to keep my muscles loose. I didn’t get a headache last night so it must have worked. Today, I am trying the same thing while I fold. I have the shades open to let in the sunlight. I have to stop being afraid and what-ifing every situation to death. We went to a Birthday party for my nephew a couple weeks ago. My Mother-in-law said, “Glad you could make it.” I did a double take and I’m sure I looked at her funny. I don’t even remember what I said but that was such a nice thing to say. So much better than “How are you?” because I didn’t have to scramble for an answer to an impossible question for me. I hope I said I was glad I could come because I really was. No more focusing on the darkness. I’m lighting a candle.

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Oh Happy Day!!!

Even though I had a ton of pain this morning I am now walking on clouds!!! Not just because I am listening to my dance music that I love so much or because listening to “Yoga Nidra” by James Jewell got me extra, pain-free sleep but because I weighed myself and even with clothes on I weighed 170lbs!!! Sorry for all the exclamation points but I am just so happy. Hopefully this lasts. I haven’t weighed myself in a couple weeks but my daughter told me two days ago that I looked like I was loosing weight and I realized yesterday that my tummy wasn’t quite so big so I decided to chance it and oh yeah, my face is thinner for a reason!!! I love you all!!! The changes I’ve made in the last month besides being gluten free include starting “Fibro Response”, a multivitamin that rocks and lowering my Lyrica to 300mg a day from 450mg and last but not least, I’ve been taking thyroid medication. I see Dr. Eckstein in Boulder, CO and he showed me a list of symptoms from low thyroid and I had almost every single one. Even though my blood tests showed normal, the symptoms matched. I am not a doctor and I can’t even begin to give medical advice but if you are not getting results from your current doctor, don’t give up hope! I still can’t get a thing done in the morning and tire too easily as well as experience pain, but there are ways of dealing. Don’t play the ostrich, be the lion. Tell your doctor what you expect and if they can’t be positive for you or offer you any kind of support besides a shrug of their shoulders, don’t take that! They work for us!
I’ll step off my soap-box now and say it again, I love you all!!! We can do it! If you are dragging your feet on meditation or deep breathing (yoga without the crazy western-style stretching), I beg of you to just try it. Yes, I did spend my morning on the couch, but I was concentrating on my breath not my pain.

PS: Google Chrome is trying to tell me that positivity is not a word. What’s up with that?

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