I was just looking at the houses for sale in the community that me and the hubby have always dreamed of living. After all the coulda-woulda-shoulda’s and all the disappointments of the last couple years, it’s really nice to have dreams again. I’m filled with hope. Our day will come and hopefully we’ll appreciate it all the more. For three years, my only focus has been fibro and CFS; How I’m feeling and not much else. I feel like I have a new focus.
The hubby and I had a conversation while in a meeting the other day. I found out that he isn’t all that concerned about me going back to work. I just assumed that was the end goal. Turns out he likes me staying at home, taking care of the kids and me. How lucky am I? For now I’m just home with the kids for the summer. Next year I’ll try my hand at volunteering at their schools, maybe join the PTO. It’s really fun to torment my 12 year old that I can’t wait to see him when I volunteer at his school next year. Maybe I’ll have to start using that as a reward; Do this for me and I won’t show up at your school next year.
I’ve even been socializing. GASP! I’ve been socializing and not over-thinking every conversation or re-playing every moment and judging myself. If I find myself starting that mess, I just say out loud, “What other people think of me is none of my business.” Sometimes, I even Richard Smiley it and go look in the mirror. Say it with me: “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
I still want to write on my sewing blog more. I let it go as long as I’m taking the time to sew instead. I have lost a little weight and gained a little muscle, so I need to take in some of my clothes too. I’ve even been doing workout videos. Real ones. Not just yoga for aches and pains and arthritis and older people. I did Zumba and I did a hula one. When somebody tooties their flutie, I gots to shake my booty (Donkey from Shrek), and now I can do it without hurting myself.
My house is clean. This deserves it’s own paragraph because, holy crap, it’s freaking amazing. It’s clean and I did most of it. The trick is, once you get something clean, you clean it again before it’s at the FUBAR level. My living room gets vacuumed every other day and the toilet gets cleaned whenever it looks even a little bit dirty. I do dishes after every meal and I do laundry twice a week. I don’t sit down on the couch. That used to be my spot. I close all the recliners, fold all the blankets and stack the pillows, so I’m not tempted. As soon as my bed is empty, I make it. I am much more reluctant to mess it up after I take the time to make it pretty.
I’ve struggled a little with people’s reactions to how much better I’m feeling. It’s not a miracle, just a lot of little things that I’m doing right. I don’t allow negative thoughts and I shake off any negative feelings. I stay positive and when I feel myself slipping, I write in my positivity journal and I listen to my upbeat, encouraging music. I started small. Small goals and small jobs around the house. Every day I added new goals or I cleaned one more thing. I’m going to paint a sign to hang above my front door that says, “Make today awesome.” I want my whole family to experience the happiness and contentment I’m feeling right now. I didn’t write about this sooner because I didn’t want to jinx it. Now, I’m not going to shut up about it.