Fibronaut At Home

Killing Two Birds With One Stone

Not literally.

Today, in continuation of my happiness project, I vacuumed out my van.  It has not been vacuumed in YEARS!  The sad state of my van is one of those things that bugs me daily, not to mention embarrasses me anytime someone else sees it.  I was waiting for my hubby to clean it and obviously my hints of “This van is so dirty” every time he was in it, weren’t working.  I’ve long since given up nagging about the cleanliness of my van and just kind of let it go.  Then, while reading “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin, I started thinking of things I could do for myself, that I normally nag the hubby about.  She talks about how it’s not really fair to expect her husband to do certain things just because he’s the man.  If I don’t want to do it, he probably doesn’t either.  I’ve now added “clean van” as one of my monthly to-do’s, because as I’ve noticed and as Rubin also talks about, doing something more often makes it easier to do.

Thinking back, there are other tasks I’ve taken on since I’ve started feeling better that normally I would reserve for the hubby.  I’ve taken a more active role with our dog, I’ve been more involved in the trash duties and I’ve been hanging pictures and other things myself, rather than nagging incessantly and cursing the hubby while he largely ignores my tirade.  I’m sure he appreciates the decrease in nagging as well.

I just looked and the title and realized that I forgot to talk about the dead birds.  In vacuuming the van, I have also worked out.  BOO-YAH!!!  Two birds, one stone.

Side laugh:  I was just doing my tags and I typed “two birds one stoner”.  LOL.

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Pain

I hurt…really badly.  All my muscles hurt.  Typing this is not helping.  I have a migraine on top of all this.  I think everything I’ve been doing since Tuesday has caught up to me.  I worked on laundry today when I should have rested.  My son is almost out of sports shorts so I felt like I had no choice.  Ugh.  Tomorrow, I have to take my hubby to his upper g.i. and colonoscopy.  My four-year-old doesn’t have school, so I’ll be keeping an eye on her while he’s off being probed.  Then, if he isn’t done before my oldest two get out of school, I have to pick up my daughter, wait an hour for my son to finish cross country and go back to get my hubby.  I will see if I have to run back to pick him up in between picking up my daughter and son.  An hour after picking up my son, I have a parents meeting for fall sports for my son and then his back to school night is following.  I will be lucky if I am still able to walk after all that tomorrow.

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Do Something You Love Today

Yes, we hurt.  Yes, we are tired.  We want awareness for all invisible illnesses now.  We want to be able to earn a living, spend time with our loved ones and do everything we used to enjoy before pain and fatigue took over our lives.   Today, just for a little while, let’s pretend.  Let’s pretend we don’t hurt.  Let’s pretend we aren’t tired.  Instead of bemoaning our current existence, let’s imagine that everything is fan-freaking-tastic.  Ignore the housework, ignore the bills, ignore the screaming/whining/fighting kids*, ignore anything that would normally have you pulling your hair out.  *Check in with the kids from time to time, just to be sure they are all still alive and accounted for.  Today, we are all going to take a little me-time.

I am listening to classical music, reading a book and still in my pajamas.  I’m contemplating getting up and getting in the shower, but after that, I have no plans to do any housework.  The dishwasher needs to be loaded and there are three loads of laundry to fold.  The toilet is disgusting and the bath tub has a very unattractive ring.  Today is the first day in over a week that I can see the garden and it is supposed to be over 50°F.  All of the things I “need” to do will be here tomorrow.

What I really need is a day to me.  I need a day without any guilt over what I have or haven’t done, said, thought or felt.  I am clearing my mind of all that, focusing on the music playing and the story I’m reading (Thrown By A Curve by Jaci Burton) and letting everything else go.  After I get the kids home from school, I’m going to work on an apron I’m sewing and that is it.  When my hubby gets home from work, I will NOT immediately assume that he sees the house exactly as he left it this morning and thinks I’m a lazy ass and wonders what I did all day.  I’m going to greet him with a kiss and a smile.  We’ve been married 13 years.  He knows me and he still loves me.  If he didn’t, he wouldn’t still be here.  And who knows?  With all the resting and ignoring of life’s problems I’m doing today, the bedroom door might end up locked while we’re taking a “nap” (wink, wink).  I might as well add doing-the-one-I-love to the doing-something-I-love list.

Shower, listen to music, read, sew, love.  How will you take your me-time?

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One Year Blogaversary!

It’s been a crazy year.  Crazy highs.  Crazy lows.  Lots of jaw-dropping TMI and a few fat tears.  I’ve made lots of new friends, become re-acquainted with some old ones and most importantly, become re-acquainted with myself.  Besides starting my blog, I’ve also had some more memorable firsts.  Some were positive, like trying acupuncture, yoga, meditation, counseling, grounding and the hot amethyst crystal thingy my neighbor gave me.  Some were negative, like changing doctors, filing bankruptcy and becoming a disability insurance reject.  I’ve stuck with some of the positives, yoga and meditation.  The things I’ve seen as negatives have taught me more about the strength of myself and my family and really aren’t as negative as I thought they would be.

I have hobbies people!  I have a sewing machine, that I actually use!  I get all of my Mom’s material that I desire and have begun to feed a massive re-fashion habit.  I’ve always had reading but I’ve expanded my horizons this year by actually reading books that are *gasp* non-fiction.  I still read all my fun books, but it’s nice to have a little variety and be able to read my book in public without blushing.  I’ve been making a point to play some video games with my kids.  I just can’t play the fun dancing games I used to love anymore.  I love singing on Rock Band so I do that with my kiddos as much as they’ll let me.  My hubby plays Call of Duty Zombies and Halo 4 with all three of my kiddos and that keeps them happy.

I’ve made goals that I actually keep.  I hug and kiss and tell my family I love them every day.  I shower (almost) every day.  I do yoga or meditation every day.  I work on some housework every  day.  I write in my journal every day.  Some of these goals were harder than others.  Some of them I slack on from time to time.  The journal really kicks my butt some days.  I’ve learned to be more patient with me and the people around me.  Except in the morning.  I will never be patient in the morning.  The sooner the kids are out the door, the sooner I can take meds, eat breakfast and drink my coffee in peace and wait for those meds to kick in before I have to do anything, the better.

To my Mom and Mother-in-laws and anyone who ever changed my diaper as a child, you may want to stop reading here.

It wouldn’t be my blog if I didn’t drop some major TMI.  My hubby and I have been having the most wonderful sex lately.  We will have been married 13 years, this June and I just want to shout it from the mountain top that we are happily, hornily married.  The worst and I mean THE WORST part of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome was not being in the mood and even when we did manage for all the stars to align, the kids to be out cold, and the bedroom door locked, not being satisfied at the end.  No O.  Horrible.  Being able to enjoy sex again, priceless. I’d like to thank my very understanding, patient and tireless hubby.  I’d also like to thank all the lovely ladies at the library who don’t even blink an eye when checking me out every erotic novel in the library’s stacks.  I’d also like to thank the one guy who works at the library for finally refraining from commenting on every naughty cover of every naughty book I check out.

Okay Mom etc.  You can start reading again.

I really want to thank my family and friends for all the love and support you’ve thrown my way this year.  I love you all and can’t wait to share more laughs, tears, smiles, hugs, fears and of course, TMI with you.

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Me and the Hubby

Me and the Hubby

June 24, 2013 will be lucky Anniversary number 13.

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My Hubby Is Superman

I just have to do a post about the love of my life.  He is so sweet, caring, loving and awesome.  Let’s not forget sexy, smart, handsome and sexy.  Through this whole explosion of suckiness with maximum sucktitude that is known as Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, he has been my rock.  He listens to me whine, groan, moan and bitch about how much I hurt or how tired I am.  He works 40 hours a week, gets the kids ready in the morning and takes them to school.  He helps me with housework when I am in a flare and sometimes even when I’m not.  He helps the kids with their homework and plays with them every night.  He takes me to doctor appointments and when he can’t, he drives me an hour and a half to my Mom’s, after working 8 hours, so she can take me.  He deals with all the bills, does all the grocery shopping and handles everything else you can think of.

Last month, we had a water pipe freeze in the basement where our kids rooms are.  He cleaned up all the mess he could, ripped out carpet, moved all the kids crap plus the furniture, dealt with the insurance company and all the repair people.  I pushed a steam cleaner for a little bit and then laid on the couch for the rest of the day with painful spasms and fatigue.  My hubby has back and neck problems but he still does all this because he knows I can’t.  This weekend, he spent all his free time painting my daughter’s room.  Yesterday, he worked 8 hours and then spent an hour at my daughter’s preschool cleaning because we can’t afford her tuition this month.  Then he came home, ate and began moving mattresses and bed frames upstairs so we could get carpet today.  He shoveled the walk from several inches of snow this weekend and finished getting the basement ready for carpet.  He didn’t sit down till after 9 pm.

Babe, you are awesome.  You are the best father and husband and I just want you to know how much I love and appreciate you.

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It’s 2 o’clock in the morning…

…or TMI and Vampires continued.

I’m reading a very steamy anthology titled “12 Shades of Surrender”.  My hubby is very happy about this.  Let me explain how this works.  I read something naughty and he actually gets to enjoy the reason he “bought the cow” in the first place.  The mood struck, I couldn’t get my muscles or my mind to shut off, so I went for it.

I only have myself to blame this time for my sex-induced insomnia.  Thankfully, I’m now embracing my fibro-vampirism (Dictionary.com says that vampirism is a word.  Google Chrome’s spell-check can suck it!).  I let the three-year-old stay up late tonight so she should sleep in which will allow me to sleep in.  Theoretically.  I may have just jinxed this theory by writing about it.  My older two are don’t have school tomorrow, so they will be at my beck-and-call tomorrow.  Double jinx!  Dammit!

If you have fibro and you aren’t taking advantage of your insomnia to blog or launch a stealth-sex-attack on your partner, what is the point?  If you are going to be awake in the middle of the night anyway, why not do something productive?  As long as you stay away from sharp objects and heavy machinery, you are good!

Fibro-vampires unite!

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I Love My Library!

I know the title doesn’t seem like it should have anything to do with fibromyalgia, but my library has been so instrumental on my path to wellness.  I’m not well yet, but I’m learning something new every day about fibromyalgia.  I can’t tell you how many books I’ve checked out on the subject and I just requested more.  The High Plains Library District in Weld County, Colorado is so wonderful.  Even if a book I want isn’t at the library in my town, I can request it online or have a librarian request it for me.  They make it so easy.  If there is a book I want to read and the High Plains Library District doesn’t have it, I let them know and they get it.  They also offer CDs,audio-books and e-books, which are especially nice for those with fibromyalgia because it is so much easier to hold an e-reader or listen on a laptop than to have to hold a book, hold the book open and turn the pages.  I actually gave up one of my favorite activities, reading, for a while because when I tried to read my hands would shake, I’d get painful spasms and I couldn’t concentrate on what I was reading because of this.  I now have a Kindle and I have perfected the art of book-propping to avoid hand and arm strain.

Here are some of the books I am looking forward to reading:

  • Fibromyalgia: simple relief through movement by Stacie L. Bigelow, M. A. (ISBN: 0471348023)
  • The Fibromyalgia Relief Book: 213 ideas for improving your quality of life by Miryam Ehrlich Williamson (ISBN: 0802775535
  • Figuring Out Fibromyalgia: current science and the most effective treatments by Ginerva Liptan, M.D. (ISBN:9780982833971)
  • From fatigued to fantastic!: a clinically proven program to regain vibrant health and overcome chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia by Jacob Teitelbaum, M.D. (ISBN: 9781583332894)
  • Reversing fibromyalgia: the whole-health approach to overcoming fibromyalgia through nutrition, exercise, supplements and other lifestyle factors by Joe M. Elrod (ISBN:158054326X)
  • What your doctor may not tell you about fibromyalgia: the revolutionary treatment that can reverse the disease by R. Paul St. Armand, M.D. and Claudia Craig Marek

 

I know that I’ve checked out some of these before but it never hurts to give something a second glance, just to see if you missed something or if you have an “Ah-ha!” moment.  Right now I’m reading The Fibromyalgia Handbook: a 7-step program to halt and even reverse fibromyalgia by Harris H. McIlwain, M.D. and Debra Fulghum Bruce, M.S.  Step 1 is “Start with medical treatment”.  Um.  Duh!  I’m pretty sure that upon waking with the kinds of aches, pains and fatigue that go along with fibromyalgia, the first place most of us headed was the doctor.  Included in this chapter are various methods of pain-relief like moist heat (Twice a day? How about all day?), NSAIDs, anti-depressants, muscle relaxers and every other drug that could possibly be available for fibromyalgia, as well as supplements (magnesium, malic acid, melatonin).  Magnet therapy and Human Growth Hormone, are mentioned, as well as creams, liniments, lotions, injections, TENS and everything else you could think of or have been told MIGHT help.

I haven’t read beyond this chapter for good reason.  How could a person read this and not be more confused than they were before?  Every type of possible pain relief method is mentioned and they could all work or they might not.  It’s up to the reader to figure this out?  Really?  First you have to find a doctor who is willing to try some of these things.  My pain specialist got me off of the narcotics, which I am very thankful for, but has no other suggestion for me beside yoga.  Really!  I just do yoga every day and I’m all better?  I did yoga yesterday, meditated for a while, but still had little to no energy, still had pain and still couldn’t sleep last night.  Maybe today I’ll try my Leela by Deepak Chopra on the XBOX Kinect.  Life with fibromyalgia really is all trial and error.  Unfortunately, the price for my errors often leaves not only me suffering but my family as well.  Mommy is grumpy/asleep/crying, the kids have to find their own dinner and the hubby gets no loving in any shape or form.  I think the Fibro Response and thyroid are helping with some of the sensitivity and some of the pain but I really need something to give my energy a boost.  Zoning out all morning and falling asleep after the kids get home is okay, if that’s the way it has to be, but there are so many things I could be doing if only I had the energy.  I could even consider going back to work if I didn’t wake up feeling like a Mack truck hit me every morning.  I think I need to re-read my goals/positivity post (It’s a lovely new day).

The point of this post was to say that libraries are great resources but I think I came around to say that you should try to educate yourself but do what works for you because with fibromyalgia, anything goes.  Unless it doesn’t go.  Then quit doing it because (obviously) everyone is different and even the doctor’s aren’t sure what works and what doesn’t.  And don’t get down on yourself if you have to take a nap during the day or you don’t have enough energy to do the dishes/laundry or yoga that you had planned to get done.  Do your best, even if your best is sitting on the couch and playing games on Facebook.  Tomorrow you’ll start taking names and kicking ass.  Today just may be your down day.

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Day Two/Three of No Narcs

It is a good thing I know myself and that I set my alarm for my suboxone, otherwise I might have missed my dose for the day.  So far so, so, soooo good.  I say that because even though I have pain and fatigue, I don’t have the added blahs from the narcotics.  I probably over-did it yesterday and I fell asleep reading in a very awkward position but I’m hopeful that today will be a magnificent repeat of yesterday (minus the headache).  I did have a conversation with an acquaintance who has been down the same road recently (hers was a different drug and an addiction however) and she warned me that it wouldn’t hit me until the third day.  Which I think is today?  I stopped taking the oxycontin and percoset on Tuesday and today is Friday so….wait.  Is today day four?  I’m so confused.  Wednesday would be one day, Thursday would be two days and Friday makes three.  So I’m heading into day four.  Aren’t you glad I took you on that little trip with me to clear that up?  Welcome to Fibro-fog!

I’ve been thinking (OH NO!  Anything but that!) about exploring alternative medicine.  Acupuncture mostly.  I have a blogger friend who does this and loves it.  I’d also like to get back into the pilates that I used to do on occasion.  I used to have a video, but I think I sold all my workout videos in our last All-Around-Town garage sale.  The acupuncture, sadly, depends on whether insurance covers it. I’ll have to get on my library’s website to find a pilates DVD.  That is the plan anyway.  And, yes.  I did just make that up.  It is in my blog, so it must be.

TMI ALERT!!!

In other, TMI news, I made my hubby blush with what I wrote in my blog yesterday.  “You put that in your blog!  Where anyone in the world can read it!”  When he put it that way, I guess it was a little forward of me.  However, if I’m really going to write about living with fibro, it would be remiss of me to leave out such a huge part of this “experience”.  My hubby and I used to have sex all the time.  And I LOVED it.  Who wouldn’t?  We will have been married 12 years come June and were not virgins on our wedding night.  That makes 14 years of having sex with the same person.  I’ll admit we started out rather awkwardly (I love that word) being both virgins, but 14 years is a lot of time to practice and with a little communication and a lot of honesty we were both very much happily satisfied.  Now, we are having to relearn everything and I really mean it when I say that you cannot teach an old horn-dog new tricks!  Well, you can, but it takes a lot longer than it used to.  I’ve always liked a little pain with my pleasure, but this is ridiculous.  It honestly feels like he has sandpaper on his Oscar-Meyer.  Because of the fibro, I had to remove the IUD I had.  I tried the ring, but it irritated me to the point of pain during intercourse.  We thought we’d just use condoms like in the olden days of our relationship, but those irritate me even more. Nobody wants to give me even more pills to take with the ones I’m already taking and although we’ve talked about my hubby going under the knife, he is still dragging his feet due to insurance deductible issues.  The pull-out method will hopefully see us through this difficult time without a pregnancy.  Yes.  I do realize how stupid this is.  I once gave a very painful and awkward (note to self: get a thesaurus) speech on birth control in high school.  I know that there are other ways to have “fun” but I already have neck and jaw spasms not to mention my over-active gag reflex.  I did put TMI ALERT in all caps.  I’ve already won the Fibro-Fighter Award.  Maybe I can win the TMI one too.

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