Fibronaut At Home

This might be working!

I am hesitant to post this, because I don’t want to jinx myself.  This is week 2 of taking an extra 30 micro grams of thyroid medication on M-W-F and I think I like the results.  I’m going to call my doctor to get my new prescription.  The last two weeks have contained some of the most positive days I remember having in a very long time.  Even with the pain and the fatigue factor, I am still able to remain positive.  I’ve been staying busy and been able to meet or exceed my goals.  I’ve even added daily goals!  I’ve had several days (last Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and yesterday) where I had some serious negativity or depression and frustration and those were days where I didn’t take the extra 30 micro grams.  Today, I’ve already had to pick up my daughter from school early and had an unexpected (but very positive) visit and I’m handling it like a champ.  I’m even considering going to visit someone with the kids after school.  I don’t want to go into details with that, but there could be some drama, which has kept me away for the past month, but I feel like I can handle it.  This is huge for me.  Even though I had some negative feelings after my last doctor’s appointment, he really has helped me.  No other doctor would even have touched the thyroid issue because my tests were in the “normal” range.  I guess the real test will be to see how I do once I start taking the higher dose.

I had to add brain fog as a tag, because I accidentally posted this on my sewing blog and had to go copy the body and delete the post from my sewing blog.  Where’s my pill for foggy brain?  Maybe another cup of coffee is in order.

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We Got This Wednesday

Daylight Savings Time Edition:

Prior to setting my clocks back one hour this weekend, I wasn’t doing too bad.  I’d gone to two Halloween parties in one day.  I took one day of recovery and then cleaned the next day.  My pain was what it usually is and even though my fatigue was worsening, I still felt like I could function enough for a family outing.

Cue Daylight Savings Time or what I call, massive confusion of my body clock followed by self destruct protocol.  Kind of a mouthful, but very apropos.  I went with the fam to the museum.  Pain, Fatigue, Dizziness and Fog came too.  We went to visit my Mom.  Pain, Fatigue, Dizziness and Fog, again, followed.  I should’ve expected this, but I was kind of hoping that gaining an hour would be better than losing an hour.  Clearly, I need to review former blog posts, as I have written about this before.  Every day since has been a foggy, fatigued, painful mess.  I did manage to vote yesterday, which would’ve been so much easier had I remembered to mail in my ballot before Saturday.  I also got towels and jeans washed today.  Thankfully, we are all experts at digging through baskets for clothes now.  As long as the kids underwear and socks hold out, we’ll be good.  Otherwise, I might have to invent a game where the kids hunt through the hampers for the dirty underwear and socks.  Of course, with the way they react when finding someone else’s underwear when they’re folding clean clothes, that might just make more work for me.  I’ve been napping every day and drinking a second cup of coffee before I attempt picking the kids up from school.  I still feel like I’m giving a bump on a log a run for their money, though.

I know I’m supposed to be positive, but I am just so tired and I hurt so much worse right now.  If I could just accomplish more than keeping myself and the children alive that would help my outlook.  Ugh.  I have to get in the shower and then pick up the children, but my body doesn’t want to move.  Kiss my grits, Daylight Savings Time.

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Pain Level: F-Bomb

F-Bomb Level Pain is when you just want to curl up in bed, with heating pads and heated blankets and repeat the F-word over and over and over.  That is where I’m at right now.  I didn’t even do much today or yesterday.  I did WAY too much on Sunday.  I was wondering at my luck.  Not feeling so lucky anymore.  Everything is hurting or spasming and I’m exhausted.  Even my fingers are protesting my typing this post.  I need my Epsom salts for a bath, but I feel too tired for even that.  I’m going to meditate and hopefully that will help.

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We Got This Wednesday!

  • I remembered that it was Wednesday and that I was going to make “We Got This Wednesday” a weekly thing.  Then, I actually remembered to do this post and did it, before I could forget again.  High Five!

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  • I went grocery shopping this morning.  You can expect a “Flare” post tomorrow, when I can move again.
  • I learned something new, while grocery shopping.  When buying frozen vegetables, pick them up last, then you can put them on places that ache before you put them in the grocery basket.  I wouldn’t be surprised if I am someday featured on “People of Wal-Mart” doing this.
  • I got inspired on some sewing projects.  I haven’t done anything yet, but I’m super excited to someday get to doing these ideas that are in my head.
  • My hubby and I managed to work a New Kids On The Block song into a discussion with our son on why he needs to just sleep in his own bed, without the hall light on downstairs.  It was epic.

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  • While listening to Paramore and doing laundry, my kids were in trouble for fighting.  “Ain’t It Fun” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDQt4KLRT4M) from their new CD came on.  Both of the older kids were blaming each other for the fight.  As I started to explain how each of them played a part in the outcome, the lyrics below came on.  I just sang along to the kids.  Pissed them off even more.  Payback time!

Don’t go crying, to your Momma, ’cause you’re all alone, in the real world. (Repeat 4 times)

Ain’t it fun?  Ain’t it fun?

Baby, now you’re one of us.

Ain’t it fun?  Ain’t it fun?

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Comment if you’d like with your positives from the last week, or share this idea on your own blog.

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Flare

I probably shouldn’t be typing this.  It hurts to type this.  It hurts to sit here.  Today, the sun hurt, my car seat that usually doesn’t bother me hurt, eating hurts, reading to my daughter hurts, my clothes hurt, my bra hurts, my daughter’s hair brushing against my arm hurts and my daughter’s soft skin against my arm hurts.  Everything hurts.  We have a chance for storms tonight, and it is supposed to get a little cooler over the next couple of days.  I want it to be cooler, but not at the expense of my body.

I’m so tired but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep with this much pain and discomfort.  I’m glad I got a little laundry done earlier before this hit.  The breeze coming in the window feels good, but it makes my bones hurt.  I’m under the softest blanket we own, I have on a soft shirt and shorts, inside-out and the cloth burns against my skin.  It’s like I have a sunburn, but I don’t.  I did get a little sun this weekend and at my son’s cross-country meet on Tuesday.  I’ve run myself ragged this week with getting the kids to school, to practice and home.  My floor has been sticky for over a week and it is just getting worse, but there is no way I can do anything about it with how I feel.  Sink is full of dishes, entire bathroom needs scrubbing, still have to finish the laundry I started and Emma has toys from one end of the house to the other.  I need a Fairy-Maid Mother.

My Katie’s first volleyball game is tomorrow at one.  I won’t be able to do anything else before or after if I still feel like this tomorrow.  I’m going to meditate and hopefully that will help.

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Slow and Steady-Tips for Grocery Shopping without Killing Yourself

As I limped through the grocery store today, I realized something.  I have yet to do a post about grocery shopping with Fibro and CFS.  I’ve mentioned that I don’t do it, but that has changed somewhat in the last year.  I occasionally go to the grocery store.  I am more apt to go when I have the kids to help me or my husband to drive me.  I usually try not to do anything else, especially if I’m by myself.  Today, I had other ideas.  The stupid, I-think-I’m-invincible kind of ideas that only lead to pain and muscle spasms.  I can probably look forward to a headache later as a “special” bonus.

I had my annual woman’s appointment today.  Thankfully, the Physician’s Assistant was very experienced, friendly and forgetful.  Despite having my chart, with my age and number of children I’ve had, and despite asking me if I have children and saying that she was almost twice my age, she was very gentle with me.  Normally, these exams are very painful for me, but today was not too bad.  Having expected to be in a horrible mood after the groping by a stranger that I pay them to do to me, I agreed to have lunch with the hubby so he could cheer me up.  Then I thought, “I really need a couple of things from the grocery store”.  Why I even attempted this is beyond me.  Clearly, I needed the reminder of how I’m not the old me.  Hopefully, my helpful tips with not only help you all, but will also stick in my mind, so I don’t attempt the self-torture I subjected myself to today, again.

  • Don’t drive yourself to the store.  Especially if you are in a flare or if you are doing other errands on the same trip.  If you do have to drive yourself, make sure you conserve energy and park as close as possible to the entrance.
  • Slow and steady wins the race.  Do not walk fast at any time.  I get into this mode, especially when I have a list and I end up hurting before I’m to the first item.
  • Plan on your trip taking twice as much time as you think it will.
  • When you are by the restroom, use it.  If you have children with you, make them use it too.
  • Make a good list.  Put items that you know are close together in the store, next to each other on the list.
  • Ignore the starers.  People always stare at the person limping through the store.  Or, if you really want to freak them out, say “Hello”.  Most rude starers get flustered by this.
  • Walk to one side of the isle.  This allows you to walk at your pace and gives the “tailgaters” a chance to pass you.
  • Ask for help if you need it.  Don’t attempt any heavy lifting.  If you wouldn’t lift it at home, find another shopper or a store employee to help you.
  • When u-turning your cart, walk to the end and pull your cart around.  This is much easier than trying to push it that way.
  • Groceries don’t mind being left in the bags.  When you get home, if you are too exhausted or in to much pain, only bring in the things that can’t sit in your car.  Leave them in their bags, shove them in the refrigerator and the freezer and rest for a while.
  • Remember that even the motorized carts require you to have your arms elevated to push the buttons and you have to stand up to get most items.  The backs are so far back from the handles, you may end up hunched over, causing back pain, shoulder pain, neck pain and headaches.  I have found that using the carts takes just as much energy and makes my muscles hurt worse than walking through the store.  At least when I’m pushing the cart, I can use it as a walker.  I also didn’t like the looks I got when I was in the cart.  I was always so tense because I felt people judging me and because I am not coordinated and would run into shelves and my children and I had many near misses with the people who automatically ignore someone in a motorized chair.
  • Stay alert in the parking lot.  Today, when I was taking my cart back, I was almost hit by a car.  Not my fault.  The girl backing up didn’t even look before she started out of the spot.

I am sure there are many other tips for grocery shopping successfully, but I’m almost dozing off as I type this.  Maybe I’ll add more later or if there are things you do, please comment.

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Pain

I hurt…really badly.  All my muscles hurt.  Typing this is not helping.  I have a migraine on top of all this.  I think everything I’ve been doing since Tuesday has caught up to me.  I worked on laundry today when I should have rested.  My son is almost out of sports shorts so I felt like I had no choice.  Ugh.  Tomorrow, I have to take my hubby to his upper g.i. and colonoscopy.  My four-year-old doesn’t have school, so I’ll be keeping an eye on her while he’s off being probed.  Then, if he isn’t done before my oldest two get out of school, I have to pick up my daughter, wait an hour for my son to finish cross country and go back to get my hubby.  I will see if I have to run back to pick him up in between picking up my daughter and son.  An hour after picking up my son, I have a parents meeting for fall sports for my son and then his back to school night is following.  I will be lucky if I am still able to walk after all that tomorrow.

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I’m Back…Sort Of

After my sad, pity party of a post the other day, I decided to kick my own ass and get with the program. Four days later, I’m still recovering. I’m still kicking ass, but I hurt a lot. I cleaned the bathroom, did laundry, did dishes, swept and mopped the kitchen and bathroom, and vacuumed the living room. That night, I somehow found the energy for sex. Why did I do that all in one day? What the french toast was I thinking?
It is laundry time again and yesterday I washed dishes again. Just scrolling on the internet has my back and shoulders aching and from my middle toes, up my ankle, I’ve had a horrible pain for the last three days. I keep hoping it’ll go away, but it hasn’t. I can barely walk and nothing relieves the pain. I don’t even know what I did. Plus, all my funny walking now has my knee and hip hurting even worse than normal. I also ran out of my magnesium malate. Could that account for the extra pain?
On a positive note, my clean kitchen, living room and bathroom make me happy. I’ve done a little bit of sewing. Normally, hurting this bad makes me just sit on the couch, but since my heating pads aren’t relieving the pain, I might as well try to distract myself. I have to drive today, so I’m hoping that I don’t have any trouble with that. I am used to using both feet to drive. If I try to use one, I use my right foot, but that is the one that hurts.
I like having a somewhat clean house, but I just don’t know if it is worth this pain. Now my shoulders and neck are screaming from typing this. I have to drive somewhere in 45 minutes and I still need to take a shower. I think I can get away with just wetting my hair and if I wear jeans I won’t have to shave, so I might be okay. There is another reason to be excited for winter. I can be a hairy beast and no one will know.

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Another “I Can’t Sleep So I Might As Well Post” Post

I haven’t posted in a month. Mostly because my daughter has demanded use of her Kindle Fire.  I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but I dropped our laptop, breaking the screen.  So I only get to post and do other internet stuff when she allows it.  Yes.  She does take unnecessary glee in demanding her device just when I’m thinking I might have a post in mind.  Also, I just haven’t felt like myself lately, and my creativity has taken a backseat to vacations and the blahs.  Enough with the excuses though.  I can’t sleep and it is the middle of the night, so I have no excuse now.  There is something rattling around in my head. 

My niece is visiting and while she’s not staying with us, I watch her during the day.  She is six years old and like my nine and eleven year old, can do most everything herself.  Having three girls in the house is three times the drama.  Do every combination of alliances that a four year old, six year old and nine year old could form, including the equation of all three girls ganging up on my eleven year old son and you will see my dilemma.  DRAMA!!!  Plus, I don’t get as much rest as I need and if I need to take a nap, I can’t.

We went to Chuck E. Cheese for lunch two days ago.  My husband met us there and we left when his lunch hour was over.  Unfortunately, my niece and I seem to have picked up a stomach virus while there.  Consequently, my tummy feels like someone has been punching me, from the inside.  Big f-ing deal, right?  Yes.  It is a big fibromyalgia deal.  (WARNING: Non-sexy TIM follows)  Yesterday morning, when my stomach pains and diarrhea from the night before were still present, I was concerned that the 500 mgs of Naproxen that I take each morning, along with all the other medications, were becoming too much for my stomach to handle.  So I did something colossaly stupid.  I only took one 250 mg pill of Naproxen.  This resulted in me having even more pain, all over my body.  I answered the question of whether the Naproxen is working or not, but I paid the price for that knowledge.  Once I found out that my niece was sick also, I wished I had taken the full dose of Naproxen.  Especially when the storms began to roll in that afternoon.  Not only was I contending with added pain from the lower dosage of Naproxen, but I also had the added fun of pain from barometric fluctuation.  Sounds like fun, right?  I also ended up on puke bucket duty with my niece while someone else took my kids swimming.  I had to drive my kids to the pool, clean up after my sick niece and try to take care of myself.

Because I couldn’t tell if my tummy was hurting because I was still sick, or because my tummy muscles were sore from all the action they were getting, or because I was starving, I kept trying to force toast.  Then my tummy would hurt worse, my symptoms would worsen and it was like I was starting all over with this illness.  I made myself eat soup and applesauce for dinner so that I could take my 250 mg Naproxen with dinner.  I again couldn’t tell if I then had hunger pain or food in my tummy pain.  I felt like I had a return of my appetite, so I ate a little chicken and mashed potatoes.  What a huge mistake.  Return of the big D, stomach cramps and pain.  I know I need to give my tummy a rest, but I also need to take my medicine.  Pre-fibromyalgia, I would just hold off on the meds that upset my stomach and keep pushing fluids.  I had my hubby get me ginger ale, but that didn’t help either.  I took a bath early yesterday, before I knew I was sick, but that just wore me out, over-heated me and did not help my sore muscles in the long run.

I feel like I might be able to sleep now.  Sweet dreams.

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Weekend Warrior

Weekends have always been the most difficult times for me. My normal schedule is interrupted by family events, kids’ activities and whatever else didn’t get done during the week. I rarely get to rest like I need to because we’ve always been ones to get started early with whatever we’re doing. So I often push myself too hard on the weekend. With only one income, we are less likely to squander any time at an activity that we’ve paid for, such as the zoo or the museum, since we don’t know when we’ll next be able to afford to do something fun outside the home. That means that we leave as early as possible and stay as long as possible. I spend most Mondays recovering.  My husband works all week and has the most desire to get things done on the weekend. When the kids are in school, this is not a problem but during the summer, weekends are hell. I don’t get several days during the week with the kids in school to recuperate. I’m in Mommy mode 24/7.

We had family visiting from Texas this weekend. It is now Wednesday and they left on Monday but I am still recovering. We had some stormy weather come in yesterday so today has been spent trying to get comfortable with the lingering aches from this weekend and the headache and body aches from the weather. We did so much this weekend and I didn’t want to miss out on anything. Two full days is nothing when you haven’t seen someone you love in what feels like forever. I have learned that there are some moments in life, that no matter the consequences you have to grasp. Pain and fatigue are going to be there whether you are sitting on the couch alone or going somewhere with your family. Focus on the smiles and laughter. This is the hardest part for me because it hurts my face to smile or laugh.

We went to an amusement park. I did things with the little kids mostly. They wanted to swim, which mostly involved standing in the shallow end of the wave pool. There was some walking between the kiddie area, the wave pool and our cabana, but I took it slow. A couple trips on the lazy river holding my three-year-old in an inner-tube was doable. One trip down a raft ride was a huge mistake though. There were a lot of stairs and I was shaking and nauseous by the time we got to the top. I almost gave up but figured it would be easier to climb the rest of the way up and ride down than to trust my shaking legs with walking back down. With the reserved cabana and plenty of other adults, I was able to rest as much as I needed. I took the two youngest on little kid rides and they were tall enough to ride by themselves thankfully. I sat a lot, hurt a lot and yawned all day but I had fun. Fun! Such a foreign concept to me now as I spend most of my time just trying to be comfortable enough to be present.

We also went fishing the day before but I spent the majority of that venture in my lawn chair. But I was there. That is the important part. Just call me the human bump on a log. I don’t care. I was in my element, watching my kids and their cousins on the playground, refereeing their disagreements and laughing at their antics. So I’m still recovering three days later. Who cares? It isn’t like I have anywhere else to be or anything else to do. I would like to be working on my daughter’s Birthday present. I would rather be sewing and laundry is piling up again. I have a very dirty bathroom and should be cleaning it but that just isn’t going to happen right now. I am going to watch the rain and hope that the aches subside soon.

I’ve already spent too long on this post according to my fingers and my shoulders. As I’ve been zoning out for the last five minutes, trying to determine how to end this post, it has stopped raining and the birds are playing in the puddle at the end of our driveway. I can see some blue skies on the horizon and the sun has started to shine through the gray clouds. A kid is out riding his bike already and a little squirrel just scampered across the lawn. Now the birds are singing and I am zoning out again. The pain is still here, along with the fatigue. I feel like I have cotton for brains. I’m hungry and there are plenty of leftovers but I’m feeling kind of down so I’m craving chocolate cupcakes. Weekend Warrior + Fibromyalgia + CFS = the rambling randomness of this post. And I still don’t know how to end this.

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