Fibronaut At Home

Just One More Thing

I’ve been fighting a stupid cold for what I think is a month, but I’m not sure, ’cause my memory sucks.  Now my son is sick and I have to take him to the doctor today.  The sky is overcast and everything hurts.  I’m tired.  I’m whiny.  Somebody bitch-slap me via internet, STAT!

I’ve been trying to not let the weather determine my attitude about how my days going to go.  Does that make sense?  I always check the weather, and I get cranky when I see temperatures fluctuating drastically between days.  Ten° F isn’t bad.  Twenty or more °F  between days, especially when it goes 60°F to 40°F to 60°F again, and I get perturbed.  When we went to Vegas this summer, it was over 100°F every day, but it was constant, no fluctuation, dry heat and I had some of my best days this year there.

Laundry is going, which means I’m recovering from all the separating I did yesterday.  My hubby tried to help me last night and probably wanted to strangle me when I hollered down the stairs that he needed to completely change the settings he had on the dryer and the washer.  Seriously, I was half asleep, but I could hear him “helping” and I just knew he was going to shrink everything.  And he would have.  He had a load of delicates on “heavy duty” in the dryer, which means high heat and forever long, and another load of delicates in the washer on “normal”, which means warm heat and as rough as a mechanical bull.

Dishes are piled up.  We have zero clean forks.  All the back up plastic forks are used as well.  I have zero clean large coffee cups and zero clean travel mugs.  We are almost out of clean bowls.  My hubby cooked dinner last night, so I have that horror show to clean up as well.  If I don’t get a load of dishes run today, we will be eating cereal out of cups, and everything will be finger food by default.  I’m considering trying the cycle where I don’t have to rinse anything before I put it in the dishwasher.  That’s not how I do things though, so it’ll be interesting if I can even load the dishwasher without rinsing.

Because have all this on my plate, I am on trial number three of Nuvigil.  My doctor says that some people love it.  The first time I took it (a quarter of a pill, as my doctor recommended) I had all the energy in the world, but my pain was off the charts.  The second time I took it, I waited too long to decide that I wasn’t coming out of my slump and needed it, took it in the afternoon (Stupida!) and couldn’t fall asleep that night.  Today, I took it at 9 am, so hopefully it helps me get all this crap done.  I am expecting my pain to be off the charts again, though.  I already know what happens when I have a good day and don’t pace myself.  An artificially manufactured good day?  I can’t afford to pace myself and I’ll probably end up doing way too much and needing three days just to recover.

 

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Defcon Blue

I’m feeling down.  Eeyore is my spirit animal right now.  My hubby brought me flowers yesterday.  I said, “Thank you”, but inside I was shrugging my shoulders.  I tried to refashion a t-shirt to give me happy vibes, but I shrugged my shoulders at that too.  Outside my window, there is a huge tree.  Behind it, a giant pine tree is leaning and it looks like it’s peeking at me.  Again, meh.

I didn’t even sing along to the radio this morning while taking my kids to school.  I am listening to electronica music because I know there won’t be any depressing songs in that mix.  My foot is bouncing to the beat, so at least that is working.  I slept a ton yesterday.  I was in bed at 6:30 pm last night.  I woke up at 9 pm to take my night time meds, ate something and went back to sleep.  Usually, it would be a good thing, all this sleeping.  I just didn’t feel like doing anything else.  I didn’t want to talk to anyone and that was the easiest way to avoid my kids and husband.

I don’t like me like this.  I was alone all day, barely talked on the phone and should’ve been ready for some time with my kids and hubby.  It has been so long since I’ve felt this way.  I don’t feel like crying, I just don’t feel anything.

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We Got This Wednesday

Daylight Savings Time Edition:

Prior to setting my clocks back one hour this weekend, I wasn’t doing too bad.  I’d gone to two Halloween parties in one day.  I took one day of recovery and then cleaned the next day.  My pain was what it usually is and even though my fatigue was worsening, I still felt like I could function enough for a family outing.

Cue Daylight Savings Time or what I call, massive confusion of my body clock followed by self destruct protocol.  Kind of a mouthful, but very apropos.  I went with the fam to the museum.  Pain, Fatigue, Dizziness and Fog came too.  We went to visit my Mom.  Pain, Fatigue, Dizziness and Fog, again, followed.  I should’ve expected this, but I was kind of hoping that gaining an hour would be better than losing an hour.  Clearly, I need to review former blog posts, as I have written about this before.  Every day since has been a foggy, fatigued, painful mess.  I did manage to vote yesterday, which would’ve been so much easier had I remembered to mail in my ballot before Saturday.  I also got towels and jeans washed today.  Thankfully, we are all experts at digging through baskets for clothes now.  As long as the kids underwear and socks hold out, we’ll be good.  Otherwise, I might have to invent a game where the kids hunt through the hampers for the dirty underwear and socks.  Of course, with the way they react when finding someone else’s underwear when they’re folding clean clothes, that might just make more work for me.  I’ve been napping every day and drinking a second cup of coffee before I attempt picking the kids up from school.  I still feel like I’m giving a bump on a log a run for their money, though.

I know I’m supposed to be positive, but I am just so tired and I hurt so much worse right now.  If I could just accomplish more than keeping myself and the children alive that would help my outlook.  Ugh.  I have to get in the shower and then pick up the children, but my body doesn’t want to move.  Kiss my grits, Daylight Savings Time.

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Happy Halloween!!!

I know, I’m late.  I was really going to post this yesterday, but after two Halloween parties in one day, I was not feeling very bueno.  It didn’t help that I didn’t get much sleep on Halloween Eve, either, but my nails looked pretty.

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Here’s how my day went:

  • Wake up at 6:45 am.  Meds, yogurt, coffee, then drive the kids to school.  You may notice that I don’t mention getting dressed.  That’s because I take my kids to school in my jammies on Tuesday and Thursday, because Emma stays at home and I don’t have to get out of the car.  Depending on the pajama pants I’m rocking, M-W-F may also be wear-your-jammies-to-drop-off-the-kids days.
  • Rest until 9 am then shower.  Can I just say, THANK GOD IT IS WINTER!!!  Shaving is optional.  If I don’t need to wash my hair, I can be in and out of the shower in 2 minutes.
  • 9:35 am, drive to Emma’s Halloween party.
  • Help serve the little munchkins for about half an hour, until I feel faint and realize I better sit down PDQ.
  • Follow Emma around from activity to activity, sitting whenever possible.  At this point, I couldn’t really hide the pain or fatigue anymore.  Emma didn’t notice, so that was good.
  • 11:40 am, drag Emma out of the party, because I still have to drive the 7 minutes home and I’m not even sure I can make it to the car.
  • Eat a quick lunch and take a nap while Emma watches TV.
  • 1:15 pm.  Already?  For real?  I feel like I’ve slept 5 minutes.  Up and out the door again.
  • 1:30 pm, stand around and then sit around at Katie’s party, while other Mom’s Mom it like a boss.  At this point, I had Emma asking other Mom’s to help her get treats.  We walked part of the parade route, which was absolutely ridiculous, because then, we had to walk through classrooms, where kids got to see what a hot mess Mom looks like.  Plus, Emma ran into a door handle, which prompted me to sprint her through that room, which messed up the kids on which way they were supposed to go.  That room had one of those Moms who couldn’t take that and caused a traffic jam trying to get them to go the correct way.  Then we walked by the playground.  It only took about 5 minutes before I deemed it acceptable to drag a screaming Emma off the equipment.  I just couldn’t handle the cold any more.
  • 3:30 pm.  Get all the kids home.  Sit on couch, under blankets, with rotating heating pads and musical massage music on the iPod.  Rest until, THANK GOD, Grandpa and Grandma show up and take Emma trick-or-treating.  Aden and Katie did a few houses by themselves.
  • Cam brought home pizza and I only had to deal with a minimal amount of trick-or-treaters while Cam took the kids around the neighborhood.
  • 9 pm.  Blissful sleep.

Today, I hurt like a mofo.  And I’m exhausted.  But, I don’t care.  It was so awesome to just be there for my kiddos yesterday.  Three years ago, I wasn’t even driving.  I’ll take this win.  

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We Got This Wednesday

I’m starting to feel guilty that my only posts lately have been “We Got This Wednesday” posts.  I haven’t really got anything right now, except pain and fatigue.  I did get laundry from two days ago folded, so that’s something.  Went to the aquarium with the fam on Saturday.  Made it through by sitting on every bench we came across.  We have really crappy weather right now, so I’m just concentrating on doing what I can.  I have to take my little one to her Halloween party tomorrow and that is all I’m concerned with right now.

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We Got This Wednesday

This post is brought to you by my daughter’s Kindle Fire.  My laptop’s battery is being estupido. 

–  I kicked major booty yesterday.  Thanks to the mild weather with no storm in the forecast until next week, I was able to sweep and mop my kitchen and bathroom, do dishes, work on laundry and take my kids to the park.  We found giant maple leaves to hang up for fall decorations.

–  I made baby booties and bibs for my sister and my niece.

–  I attended my niece’s baby shower.  It was so nice to just relax with family and have fun with some of my favorite people.

–  I went to my kids’ parent-teacher conferences on Friday morning. They went great.  My kids are doing awesome.

–  I’ve been recycling, which has given me lots of happy-doing-something-good-for-the-earth feelings.

–  I have maintained my weight, despite the flare days where I do nothing.  I have made it a goal to find something positive to tell myself about my appearance every day.

–  TMI:  I’ve been listening to hip hop while I do my post-shower routine.  While I’m warm from the hot water, I dance naked.  Totally puts a smile on my face and loosens up my muscles.  **CHEESE**  BTW:  I am in the bathroom and the door is locked, so no one can see me.  The naked dancing doesn’t leave the bathroom.

Hope you all have found some things this week to make yourself smile, laugh and appreciate life.  Love yourself.

I can’t figure out how to share a video in my post on this device but, go to YouTube and look up Paramore’s “Anklebiters”.

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A Difficult Question

Today, I had to ask myself, “What do I need to accomplish today, in order to be able to love myself?”  I couldn’t go to my daughter’s helper day and that left me feeling similar to the way I felt when I had to stop working.  If I can’t do that, I shouldn’t do anything.  I walked through my house, noticing everything that had to be done, that I would not be getting to today.  Then, I noticed my toothbrush, all ready to go, from yesterday.  I had put toothpaste on it, only to realize I had just brushed my teeth.  I decided to leave it for later, then forgot about it again.

Brushing my teeth was step one.  Step two, was opening the shades.  Step three, was starting on the dishes that were overflowing the sink.  I sat down, when I became to tired to stand and decided I would leave the pots for someone else.  My arms and hands were weak and shaking when I was done, but I accomplished the one thing I had decided I could handle today.  I didn’t even realize that I had begun with the idea that I’d be happy with myself today, if I accomplished the dishes, until I was rinsing.  I focused on sitting up straight and flexing my abdomen, which I’ve noticed help my back.

Afterward, I almost broke down again because I realized I was hungry and had no energy left to make lunch.  It took three looks through the kitchen, but I finally remembered the leftover chicken enchiladas.  I opened the front door and the backdoor, so I could listen to the birds sing.  Next on the agenda, is picking up kids from school in 2 1/2 hours.  I believe I’ll be resting until then.

The next time you are in a flare, ask yourself this question:

“What do I need to accomplish today, in order to be able to love myself?”

Be kind to yourself, be reasonable, and don’t overwhelm yourself.  Choose a simple task that has been bugging you, and then be happy with your choice.

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Goals are Good

My goal for today is to be as productive as possible, despite this rainy, mildly chilly, low pressure system that is keeping me down.  I got the kids to the school with the help of coffee and 106.7 FM KBPI (the local rock station) Rocks the Rockies.  A little side note:  The guy who did the “Rocks the Rockies” part, used to come into the gas station my hubby and I worked at.

I Googled a couple of things I’ve been thinking about doing.  I have a sick kid at home, but luckily for me, she is just watching T.V. and eating cuties, which are easy for me to peel.  I was going to bake.  Why?  Why do I do this to myself?  I have zucchini and bananas and some other fruit that need something done with before they start to rot.  I think I’ll wait until Saturday and under the pretense of teaching my kids something, make them do all the work.  My arms and fingers are screaming at me.  I gotta go.  Bye.

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Dear Winter

Dear Winter,

When it was hot in the summer and I was sweating profusely, I pined for you.  I couldn’t wait for you to render me useless beneath heating pads and heated blankets.  I longed for luxurious soaks in Epsom salts baths.  My only desire was to alleviate my pain without sweating like cold drink on a hot day.  No more sweaty under boobs, cracks or crevices of any kind.  No more painful blasts of air-conditioning.

Well, I guess I’m just not ready to commit.  It has become quite clear, that I don’t know what I want or need.  This past Saturday was the first day of Fall.  You know Fall right?  Lower temperatures, kills off all things green?  Sometimes, it rains.  Sometimes, it snows.  Sometimes, it just blows.  

It started yesterday afternoon.  I had been feeling my normal, ho-hum self all day.  Then came the Brick Wall of Fall.  I felt like my battery had suddenly been drained.  And the pain!  Everything hurt.  Face, neck, head, arms, shoulders, hands, elbows, ribs, gut, hips, knees, thighs, and feet.  Pain, pain, everywhere and not a thing to help.  I have one heating pad, since the fire fiasco.  I was already too exhausted to take a bath.  I listened to my “Bedtime Beats: The Secret to Sleep” CD and was able to relax enough to go to bed.

The remainder of my night went like this.  Wake up from dead sleep to use the facilities.  Go back to sleep.  Wake up from dead sleep, in absolute terror, because it sounds like my son is crying and my hubby is yelling like they are being attacked.  Resist the urge to kill hubby, when I realize he is watching “The Walking Dead” and that accounts for the sounds that woke me up from a sound sleep.  Wake up to daughter crying.  Wake up to daughter coughing and Daddy trying to help but Daddy has work, so here I go again.  Sit up with daughter until she falls asleep.  Surf Facebook, because now I’m wide awake and the more my daughter snores and sleeps blissfully, the madder I get that I can’t sleep.  Sleep the rest of the night, eventually.

I feel I’ve digressed, slightly, from my topic.  Hold on a second.  I need to go to the top of this letter and remember why I was writing you a letter in the first place.  Oh, yes.  I remember now.  I was trying to let you down easy.  Since I hurt too bad to sugar coat it anymore, I’ll just put it this way.  Winter, you suck.  I’m not ready to hurt every minute of every day.  I’m not ready to be so tired I can barely walk, let alone do the five hundred other things being a Mom requires.  Also, I was just thinking that maybe I should try selling some of the stuff I sew.  Thanks for taking that dream away from me as well.  I can barely get my kids to and from school and their sport’s practices like this.  My poor Hubby is so grouchy from his work situation, that I am the only one getting anything done around here.

Not to be harsh, but nobody likes you.  Maybe, when it snows and the ground is covered in white and glistens in the sun, but that is the only time.  And, maybe, when you leave the trees all frosted in the morning.  Other than those two instances, you could go away and I wouldn’t miss you at all.  I guess what I’m really trying to say is, I would rather be sweaty, in pain and fatigued from doing more than normal, than to be in pain, fatigued and pretty useless for no good reason at all.

Sincerely,

Fibronaut at Home

PS.  I just realized, this morning, that we would soon have a Daylight Savings Time event.  Bite me, Fall!

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We Got This Wednesday

  • I finished my Father-In-Law’s Elvis curtains.  Shhh.  We’re hanging them tonight, so don’t anybody tell him.  I’d show you what they look like, but my camera is kaput.

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  • I organized the bookshelves in the living room and put pictures we had taken in January in frames.

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  • I finished patching my daughters jeans.  Ditto with the kaput camera on these too.
  • I found Emma a Disney Rapunzel dress at Goodwill for $4.  I had to hand sew one hole, but Emma is now ready for Halloween.  I love poppin’ tags!

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  • I was able to drive to my son’s cross-country meet and cheer him on.

 

Now it is your turn.  Comment, blog or just reflect with yourself on all your accomplishments from the previous week.  No judgments.  No thinking of what you didn’t do or how what you did made you hurt or how long it took you to do it.  Just think about the triumphs, the smiles and the happy-dances.

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