Fibronaut At Home

Jury is Still Out

I can’t sleep.  Apparently, the Nuvigil I took at 9 am is still affecting me at 11 pm.  Yay.

On the plus side, I did get the majority of the laundry separated into baskets for folding at some point this week.  I did get the dishwasher unloaded and everything was clean.  Hell yeah!  Washing the dishes on the cycle designed for pots and pans really does save time and water!  I didn’t have to cook dinner because the hubby brought home Wendy’s for dinner.  Then, after the kids went to bed, since I was riding a high from actually accomplishing WAY more than I thought I’d be able to do, we got a little quality time (wink, wink).  It feels like I won the lottery tonight.

I am not talking about the pain, because then it knows I feel it and I’m not giving the pain that satisfaction.  Take that Pain!

The Nuvigil worked wonders today, except for the fact that I am now, at 11 pm, WIDE AWAKE.  I’m going to listen to Bedtime Beats, The Secret to Sleep and do a jigsaw puzzle online.  That usually helps me get to sleep.  Really crossing my fingers here.  I’m not even going to think about the amount of pain all this activity is going to cause tomorrow.  You will not win Pain!

One more thing: My hubby is pretty freaking awesome.  I forget to mention that sometimes, but seriously, if I could clone him and give every single one of you, one of him, I would.  Maybe I will rent him out.  Then, I will sort of be bringing in income.  Do you think he’d go for that?  Tell me what you need done, I’ll send him over.

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I’m Back…Sort Of

After my sad, pity party of a post the other day, I decided to kick my own ass and get with the program. Four days later, I’m still recovering. I’m still kicking ass, but I hurt a lot. I cleaned the bathroom, did laundry, did dishes, swept and mopped the kitchen and bathroom, and vacuumed the living room. That night, I somehow found the energy for sex. Why did I do that all in one day? What the french toast was I thinking?
It is laundry time again and yesterday I washed dishes again. Just scrolling on the internet has my back and shoulders aching and from my middle toes, up my ankle, I’ve had a horrible pain for the last three days. I keep hoping it’ll go away, but it hasn’t. I can barely walk and nothing relieves the pain. I don’t even know what I did. Plus, all my funny walking now has my knee and hip hurting even worse than normal. I also ran out of my magnesium malate. Could that account for the extra pain?
On a positive note, my clean kitchen, living room and bathroom make me happy. I’ve done a little bit of sewing. Normally, hurting this bad makes me just sit on the couch, but since my heating pads aren’t relieving the pain, I might as well try to distract myself. I have to drive today, so I’m hoping that I don’t have any trouble with that. I am used to using both feet to drive. If I try to use one, I use my right foot, but that is the one that hurts.
I like having a somewhat clean house, but I just don’t know if it is worth this pain. Now my shoulders and neck are screaming from typing this. I have to drive somewhere in 45 minutes and I still need to take a shower. I think I can get away with just wetting my hair and if I wear jeans I won’t have to shave, so I might be okay. There is another reason to be excited for winter. I can be a hairy beast and no one will know.

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Insomnia Purge

It’s 2 o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep.  Here is a list of why:

  1. I over did it today popping tags at Goodwill and a couple other thrift stores.  There was resting in between but it’s difficult to rest while riding in the car.
  2. The hamster in my brain won’t get off his wheel.  Currently, the loop consists of the ridiculous amount of sewing projects in my brain, all the cool gardening ideas I saw on Pinterest earlier, the letter we got from my kid’s school warning us of the amount of tardies my kids have had and how three tardies equal one absence and they are required to attend a certain number of hours, all our medical bills, and whether Social Security is going to approve me for disability or not.  I really need to get a new hamster in my brain because this one is keeps bringing up things that I’ll never have the energy for or that I can’t change.  I would love to sew or garden all day but I don’t have the energy and those activities cause too much pain.  I can’t drive in the morning so other than nagging my hubby to get up earlier, which I don’t have the energy for in he morning anyway, I just have to let my hubby  that.  I can’t do anything about the medical bills and Social Security so why am I wasting my time worrying about them?
  3. When I tried to go to sleep at one o’clock, the second time I’d laid down, the hubby wouldn’t leave me alone, which made me really angry, contributing to my inability to sleep.  I try to give him what he needs, even when I’d much rather be sleeping.  Maybe my next advertisement I do on the blog will be for a Sister Wife
  4. My three-year-old can’t sleep either because the lucky girl took two naps today.

There could be more but I’m typing on my daughter’s Kindle Fire and it keeps deleting random words and letters.  I’m about ready to throw this thing.

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One Year Blogaversary!

It’s been a crazy year.  Crazy highs.  Crazy lows.  Lots of jaw-dropping TMI and a few fat tears.  I’ve made lots of new friends, become re-acquainted with some old ones and most importantly, become re-acquainted with myself.  Besides starting my blog, I’ve also had some more memorable firsts.  Some were positive, like trying acupuncture, yoga, meditation, counseling, grounding and the hot amethyst crystal thingy my neighbor gave me.  Some were negative, like changing doctors, filing bankruptcy and becoming a disability insurance reject.  I’ve stuck with some of the positives, yoga and meditation.  The things I’ve seen as negatives have taught me more about the strength of myself and my family and really aren’t as negative as I thought they would be.

I have hobbies people!  I have a sewing machine, that I actually use!  I get all of my Mom’s material that I desire and have begun to feed a massive re-fashion habit.  I’ve always had reading but I’ve expanded my horizons this year by actually reading books that are *gasp* non-fiction.  I still read all my fun books, but it’s nice to have a little variety and be able to read my book in public without blushing.  I’ve been making a point to play some video games with my kids.  I just can’t play the fun dancing games I used to love anymore.  I love singing on Rock Band so I do that with my kiddos as much as they’ll let me.  My hubby plays Call of Duty Zombies and Halo 4 with all three of my kiddos and that keeps them happy.

I’ve made goals that I actually keep.  I hug and kiss and tell my family I love them every day.  I shower (almost) every day.  I do yoga or meditation every day.  I work on some housework every  day.  I write in my journal every day.  Some of these goals were harder than others.  Some of them I slack on from time to time.  The journal really kicks my butt some days.  I’ve learned to be more patient with me and the people around me.  Except in the morning.  I will never be patient in the morning.  The sooner the kids are out the door, the sooner I can take meds, eat breakfast and drink my coffee in peace and wait for those meds to kick in before I have to do anything, the better.

To my Mom and Mother-in-laws and anyone who ever changed my diaper as a child, you may want to stop reading here.

It wouldn’t be my blog if I didn’t drop some major TMI.  My hubby and I have been having the most wonderful sex lately.  We will have been married 13 years, this June and I just want to shout it from the mountain top that we are happily, hornily married.  The worst and I mean THE WORST part of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome was not being in the mood and even when we did manage for all the stars to align, the kids to be out cold, and the bedroom door locked, not being satisfied at the end.  No O.  Horrible.  Being able to enjoy sex again, priceless. I’d like to thank my very understanding, patient and tireless hubby.  I’d also like to thank all the lovely ladies at the library who don’t even blink an eye when checking me out every erotic novel in the library’s stacks.  I’d also like to thank the one guy who works at the library for finally refraining from commenting on every naughty cover of every naughty book I check out.

Okay Mom etc.  You can start reading again.

I really want to thank my family and friends for all the love and support you’ve thrown my way this year.  I love you all and can’t wait to share more laughs, tears, smiles, hugs, fears and of course, TMI with you.

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TMI/NSFW/Nof for the little ones

My hubby sent me the following e-mail last Friday:

I told you so…Winking smile

 I thought you would be interested in this: The Hidden Health Benefits of Sex (http://healthyliving.msn.com/health-wellness/women/sex/the-hidden-health-benefits-of-sex-3#scptmh)

Now, I am willing to try just about anything when it comes to feeling better.  Yoga.  Meditation.  Acupuncture.  Supplements.  Gluten-free.  Grounding.  I’ve tried all of these with varying results.  Being the open-minded person I am and due to a severe headache along with various other fibro-related aches, I decided to put “sexual-healing” to the test.  I first tried a muscle relaxer, a naproxen, a heating pad and a eucalyptus-spearmint Epsom salt bath.  When the combination of these did nothing to dull the ache in my head, I decided to give my hubby the “benefit” (wink, wink) of the doubt and let him attempt to sex me back to health.  Well guess what?  It didn’t work!  I think my headache was actually worse.  And if you read the article and noticed that it says the big O is important, trust me, I do not have that problem.

I have further evidence that “sexual-healing” is not that effective in the treatment of fibromyalgia from last night as well.  Last night was BOW-CHICKA-WOW-WOW epic and today I am a waste of space.  My neck and the tender-points at the base of my skull hurt so bad.  We are getting a storm in and that probably doesn’t help but seriously.  This is a perfect example of the mind-screw that fibromyalgia is.  Even when you are enjoying something, when you pay so heavily for your enjoyment, you start to dread the thing that you love the most.

Another example of this is laughter.  They say laughter is the best medicine and I love to laugh.  If you don’t believe me, go to my Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/SueGomez79) and watch the video from Sunday (you probably have to friend request first).  I enjoyed the heck out of that dinner.  The food, the conversation and the laughter.  But after a couple hours, my feet hurt from my boots, my butt hurt from the chair, my face hurt from the chewing/laughing/talking/smiling combination, my neck hurt from the hour-long drive to the restaurant and I was ready to lay my head down on the table for a nap.  I remembered the last time we ate there and ordered accordingly because even though I love crab legs, my arms and hands hurt so bad from cracking the last time and I just didn’t want to deal with that.  We also had my husband’s Christmas party the night before and it was the same thing.  The person we sat with at dinner had me cracking up but then my face hurt so bad I had to massage it to keep my cheeks from cramping.  I wore high heel boots for the first time since my diagnosis.  On our way to the second part of the party at a bowling alley, we had to buy me comfy slippers because my feet, legs and hips were starting to cramp up.  A couple people thought I was asleep at the bowling alley because I was sitting there in the middle of the party meditating because I hurt so bad.  Then a well-meaning person came up behind me and started to rub my shoulders.  I was polite but I really just wanted to go home at that point.

The busy weekend left me spending yesterday recovering and not getting much done.  Today, I’m obviously not feeling much better and I’m pretty exhausted.  My holistic doctor gave me a new medication to try when I absolutely have to get something done but don’t have the energy.  It is called Nuvigil and I only took a quarter of a pill because I’m so sensitive to medication.  It helped me get to the school to get the kids but I still hurt so I’m not sure I’ll get much else done today.  I think I can probably speak for my hubby in saying that we still hold out hope that the benefits of sex will outweigh the pain caused.  Maybe me and the hubby are doing it wrong.  We’ve had a lot of practice but there’s always room for improvement.

 

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It’s 2 o’clock in the morning…

…or TMI and Vampires continued.

I’m reading a very steamy anthology titled “12 Shades of Surrender”.  My hubby is very happy about this.  Let me explain how this works.  I read something naughty and he actually gets to enjoy the reason he “bought the cow” in the first place.  The mood struck, I couldn’t get my muscles or my mind to shut off, so I went for it.

I only have myself to blame this time for my sex-induced insomnia.  Thankfully, I’m now embracing my fibro-vampirism (Dictionary.com says that vampirism is a word.  Google Chrome’s spell-check can suck it!).  I let the three-year-old stay up late tonight so she should sleep in which will allow me to sleep in.  Theoretically.  I may have just jinxed this theory by writing about it.  My older two are don’t have school tomorrow, so they will be at my beck-and-call tomorrow.  Double jinx!  Dammit!

If you have fibro and you aren’t taking advantage of your insomnia to blog or launch a stealth-sex-attack on your partner, what is the point?  If you are going to be awake in the middle of the night anyway, why not do something productive?  As long as you stay away from sharp objects and heavy machinery, you are good!

Fibro-vampires unite!

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TMI and Vampires

It is 1 in the afternoon and I am still in my jammies (leave me alone Google Chrome!), dammit!  I also still feel like I have cotton for brains.  Is it the weather (cold front with rain) or is it the middle-of-the-night-sex that woke me up two nights ago?  If only we lived closer to where my hubby worked.  Then, he could come home for a little afternoon delight and I would get the endorphin’s (Google Chrome tells me I need the apostrophe, are they correct?) when I need them, not when I don’t.  Since I can’t seem to get going in the a.m. and I’ve decided to be kinder to myself on this aspect, I’m going to have to completely revamp my schedule.  I think it was too much to ask for anyway.  Thanks to Jodi Ambrose for making me feel better about my night owl ways (http://jodiambroseblog.com/2012/09/22/tirade-time-oh-yeah-its-on-dont-read-if-you-dont-like-cussing-for-the-sheer-fun-of-cussing/).  I used to be a morning person and the fibromyalgia and insomnia happened and I just can’t do it anymore.  Vampires, I mean, Fibro-fighters, unite!

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Ouch-ouchitie-ouch-ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Hope you read the title the way I sing it in my head.  I’m short-posting because of my constant friend Pain.  I’m having the skin-sensitivity where a brush of someone’s hand can feel like a scrape.  My little girl’s feet felt painfully rough (they are smooth) against my legs and just someone leaning against me can feel like they punched me.  I thought I’d feel better in the summer but the constant weather changes (we have a chance of thunderstorms almost every afternoon) and the high temps are making me ache.

 Gluten-free since June 19, 2012.  Pro’s of gluten-free are as follows: eating better, more fruits and veggies, had sex 3 times in one week as opposed to 3 times in 3 months before.  Con’s of gluten-free: I’m really hungry, we have Oreo’s and I can’t eat them, and I’m really hungry.

Gotta go before my sweat runs into the keyboard and I’m replacing another laptop (I orange-juiced my previous laptop in a daze of fibro-fog).  It’s been over 100 degrees for 5 days straight and we only have one window air conditioner.

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Acupuncture and Meditation

I love going to acupuncture.  Even though I still hurt and it is obviously not helping with my pain or my fatigue, I feel such an emotional release, and such a release of tension that it is worth it to me.  Yesterday some of the needles hurt and one of them hurt so badly that she had to move it.  I don’t want to put anyone off trying acupuncture because of that.  I’ve been four times and out of probably 50 needles over all those visits, only two of them have hurt like this.  If you’ve read my “Note to Self” post, then you know that acupuncture also has helped with my tummy troubles.  The benefits, so far, outweigh the minimal discomfort.  Acupuncture is the most relaxing hour that I have.  Even when I’m home alone, under my heating blanket, I don’t feel the peace that I feel when I am lying there, with the soothing music and the lights dim and lots of needles sticking out of me.  I ruined the image with that last part, right?  You don’t feel the needles and if you just concentrate on your breathing and keep your brain shut off, it will amaze you how relaxed you are.  The next part is TMI, so stop reading Mom.  I felt so good after the session yesterday that I was actually horny.  I cannot tell you how wonderful that was!  If only I could get the correct muscles to spasm instead of the wrong ones (if you get my meaning-wink-wink).

In other becoming-one-with-myself news I’m trying a new game for the XBOX Kinect called “Deepak Chopra Leela”.  It is supposed to be a meditation game and supposed to be able to tell if you are relaxing or breathing properly.  I haven’t figured out how I’m going to play this without interference from my three-year-old or my older two who are out for summer break but I’m really looking forward to trying it.  I used to love playing the dancing games, but I can’t anymore and I’m hoping this game will be my new thing.  I’ll let you know.

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Day Two/Three of No Narcs

It is a good thing I know myself and that I set my alarm for my suboxone, otherwise I might have missed my dose for the day.  So far so, so, soooo good.  I say that because even though I have pain and fatigue, I don’t have the added blahs from the narcotics.  I probably over-did it yesterday and I fell asleep reading in a very awkward position but I’m hopeful that today will be a magnificent repeat of yesterday (minus the headache).  I did have a conversation with an acquaintance who has been down the same road recently (hers was a different drug and an addiction however) and she warned me that it wouldn’t hit me until the third day.  Which I think is today?  I stopped taking the oxycontin and percoset on Tuesday and today is Friday so….wait.  Is today day four?  I’m so confused.  Wednesday would be one day, Thursday would be two days and Friday makes three.  So I’m heading into day four.  Aren’t you glad I took you on that little trip with me to clear that up?  Welcome to Fibro-fog!

I’ve been thinking (OH NO!  Anything but that!) about exploring alternative medicine.  Acupuncture mostly.  I have a blogger friend who does this and loves it.  I’d also like to get back into the pilates that I used to do on occasion.  I used to have a video, but I think I sold all my workout videos in our last All-Around-Town garage sale.  The acupuncture, sadly, depends on whether insurance covers it. I’ll have to get on my library’s website to find a pilates DVD.  That is the plan anyway.  And, yes.  I did just make that up.  It is in my blog, so it must be.

TMI ALERT!!!

In other, TMI news, I made my hubby blush with what I wrote in my blog yesterday.  “You put that in your blog!  Where anyone in the world can read it!”  When he put it that way, I guess it was a little forward of me.  However, if I’m really going to write about living with fibro, it would be remiss of me to leave out such a huge part of this “experience”.  My hubby and I used to have sex all the time.  And I LOVED it.  Who wouldn’t?  We will have been married 12 years come June and were not virgins on our wedding night.  That makes 14 years of having sex with the same person.  I’ll admit we started out rather awkwardly (I love that word) being both virgins, but 14 years is a lot of time to practice and with a little communication and a lot of honesty we were both very much happily satisfied.  Now, we are having to relearn everything and I really mean it when I say that you cannot teach an old horn-dog new tricks!  Well, you can, but it takes a lot longer than it used to.  I’ve always liked a little pain with my pleasure, but this is ridiculous.  It honestly feels like he has sandpaper on his Oscar-Meyer.  Because of the fibro, I had to remove the IUD I had.  I tried the ring, but it irritated me to the point of pain during intercourse.  We thought we’d just use condoms like in the olden days of our relationship, but those irritate me even more. Nobody wants to give me even more pills to take with the ones I’m already taking and although we’ve talked about my hubby going under the knife, he is still dragging his feet due to insurance deductible issues.  The pull-out method will hopefully see us through this difficult time without a pregnancy.  Yes.  I do realize how stupid this is.  I once gave a very painful and awkward (note to self: get a thesaurus) speech on birth control in high school.  I know that there are other ways to have “fun” but I already have neck and jaw spasms not to mention my over-active gag reflex.  I did put TMI ALERT in all caps.  I’ve already won the Fibro-Fighter Award.  Maybe I can win the TMI one too.

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