Fibronaut At Home

How Fibromyalgia is kicking my butt today

Let me count the ways:

1. I spilled bbq sauce all over my stove.  I noticed it wasn’t pouring the way I expected, but I have such slow reflexes that it made no difference.

2. I spilled refried bean juice down the front of my kitchen cabinet.  (stirring + arm spasm = big mess)

3. I barely had enough energy to pick up my kids from school today, let alone the muscle control to drive.  Spasms and cramping while you are driving is just a little distracting.

4. The muscle the runs from the bottom of your chin down your neck that gets the most stretch when you yawn, just cramped on me mid-yawn.  PAIN!!!

5. My arms are killing me from typing this so even though I could probably come up with a few more, I’m stopping now.  

Thanks for listening.

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Stress Relief

I have just experienced the most wonderful stress relief all because I was able to make an appointment for my doctor for tomorrow!!!  I have a bad habit of not noticing when I’m about to run out of medication.  I’ve been meaning to check how much Lyrica I have and kept forgetting but suddenly realized how light the pill bottle felt on Saturday.  I, thankfully, get my Lyria free from Pfizer through their Connections to Care program so all I have to do is get my doctor to fax my prescription in and I’ll have my medication, hopefully before I run out.  If you have never run low on Lyrica and attempted to make 3 days worth last for five then you are lucky.  The last time this happened I felt like I was on fire, I couldn’t move and then I had the scariest dream I’ve ever had.  I just remember the devil talking to me and then I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs.  Not fun.  I was just starting to write a post about how stressed I was and then I got a call from my doctor’s office to schedule an appointment and they had a time open tomorrow.  That is true stress relief.  If it wasn’t for fibro-fog I wouldn’t have all this needless stress, but I wouldn’t have this enormous relief after I get things worked out.  I would type more, but I feel like I’m rambling and my neck is starting to hurt.  Out!  Damn spasms!  Out!

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Funk

No. Not B-O funk.  And no.  Not George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic funk either. Now The Black Eyed Peas song “Smells Like Funk” is stuck in my head, but that’s not what I’m writing about either.  I’m in a what-am-I-good-for funk.  I’m in a even-if-I-could-work-no-one-would-want-me funk.  I’ve been seriously considering whether I could return to work.  Not because I feel well enough to but with the hope that this new doctor I’m seeing next month will be able to kick fibromyalgia’s butt and I’ll be feeling like my old self again.  As I am right now, with the spasms and pain, not to mention fatigue, I know that going back to work would be impossible.  It’s funny that I think of fatigue last, when it is the biggest obstacle.  It’s hard to concentrate on what you’re doing when you’re having spasms, which can be painful or when you are in pain, period.  But it is near impossible to concentrate, let alone stand, when you are fatigued.  I’m not talking just a little tired, although I feel tired all the time, whether I’ve slept good or not, whether I’ve taken naps or not.  Fatigued means having zero energy, dizzy when standing, dozing off all day, feeling like you can’t move your arms or legs, feeling like you have a pound of bricks for brains and if your head weren’t attached, it’d go rolling off your body.  I cannot remember the majority of April.  Me and my three-year-old slept in till 10:30, we rarely went anywhere and I had a couple of trips to pick up my kids where I honestly felt like I might fall asleep while driving.  Now that we’re into June and I haven’t had any fatigue days, just pain and spasms, I’m wondering whether I can go back to work.

All I need is an employer who’ll allow me to take naps during the day, sit in a recliner so I can keep my feet elevated, and will allow me to take any sick days I need when I’m fatigued or in too much pain to work.  If the barometer is shifting, I’ll need that day off too.  Also, no stress.  I cannot handle any extra stress.  Forget socializing, because I don’t do that.  Unless you want someone with no TMI filter talking to your most important clients and board members?  Don’t I sound like the ideal candidate?

So far, the only job I can come up with is stay-at-home Mom and I’m already doing that for free!  I take that back.  I do get paid in hugs and kisses and little kid jokes.  My kids are the best and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.  Maybe a hot tub.  I really want a hot tub.  Joking!  Only joking.  The two older ones are pretty much self-sufficient.  Unfortunately, they are masters at pushing each other’s buttons, not to mention mine.  They almost make up for all the fighting, both physical and verbal, with the help they give me with the three-year-old.  In August they’ll go back to school and the little one will go to preschool, then what am I going to do with myself?  Will I finally be able to do my Deepak Chopra’s Leela game?  I really liked it the one time I got to play it.  Will I finally be able to go to the heated pool in Greeley?  The drive to Greeley and back might make the exercises in the pool pointless.  Right now, the majority of exercise I get involves laundry, dishes and picking up the crap everyone else leaves laying around.

So my funk continues…and that song is still stuck in my head!

 

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Back(ache) in Colorado

Since I last posted, I went on a family outing to Palo Duro Canyon and then helped my youngest be a shark in the pool.  Those two things combined produced precious memories and have left me with an unbearable back ache since Sunday.  I spent my last day in Texas mostly sleeping and hanging out in my Mother-in-Law’s bed because I was in so much pain in so many places.  I read maybe one chapter on my Kindle because I kept falling asleep at the end of one page, waking up and then reading the same page.  I’d get to the bottom and realize I’d already read that part.  The pool was cold and by the time I was able to drag my baby out of the pool, I could barely stand my knees were so weak.  Whether that was from all the Jaws action or from the mini-hike (I probably did a quarter of what all the other adults did) at the canyon, I’m not sure.  I enjoyed watching everyone else having fun but I miss joining in.  It was only two years ago that I would be walking as far down the creek as I could with everybody else.  I’ve never enjoyed the caving,  but at least I’d go a little ways.  My hubby and I used to take turns playing with the baby in the kiddy pool.  Now it’s just me in the shallow end because I don’t have the energy to swim one lap and my throws of the balls are worse than my three-year-old’s.

It is now Wednesday and we are home and after posting pics of the vacay to Facebook and now typing this, my left arm wants nothing more than to be limp at my side for the rest of the day.  I am alternating my heating pad between my back and my knees.  I had enough energy yesterday to make my kids and their two cousins re-heated mac & cheese and weenies but my feet and ankles were so swollen from the 9 1/2 hours in the car on the drive from my Mother-in-Law’s house to my Mom’s house that even that took all of the energy and concentration that I didn’t have.  It’s always amazing to me how I can be hurting so bad and yet my brain doesn’t tell me to just sit down already.  I’m still trying to cook like a normal person.  I burnt my fingers three times because I kept forgetting to use the hot pads on the hot pot.  Duh!  Then we had to drive home which is another hour and a half in the car.  My hips were screaming at me by the time we got home and now I’m supposed to make ramen for the kids but all the suitcases are in front of the stove.  Thank goodness it is summer vacation for the kids so I have a ten-year-old and an eight-year-old for all my heavy lifting.  Sharp pains in my arms and hips and spasming fingers are ending this post.  Here’s to ramen noodles for lunch and whining kids doing all the chores I can’t.

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Texas

After an 8 1/2 drive we are finally in Texas.  My feet are so swollen and my knees and hips want to abandon ship.  Maybe from holding my kindle or some other unknown, my shoulders, elbows and wrists hurt.  I’m getting these come from out of nowhere pains the radiate all over my body.  For example, my thumb will hurt and a spot on the underside of my chin will hurt at the same time and it will feel like they are connected.  I’m also having really bad spasms.  I’m sitting at a desk, like I used to do every day at work, because my Mother-in-law doesn’t have wireless internet.  My right wrist and whatever fingers I happen to be using to type hurt.  When my fingers are at rest on the keys, they spasm even though I’m not telling them to move.  My left knee is hurting and I’m starting to get itching pain in my right wrist.  My left elbow refuses to be left out so I’m done here.  I think I managed 5 minutes of typing total.  Do you think someone would hire a person who can’t type more than 5 minutes and who has to lay down periodically and walk around periodically, lets say every 15 minutes?  How about someone who, after typing those 5 minutes will now have pain radiating from her finger tips to her arms and after sitting in a regular chair will have pain radiating from her hips to her knees to her ankles.  I meant to talk about my wonderful Mother-in-law and her awesome, posing dog Riley or her Chihuahua Lola who has taken to me, but I hurt to bad.  Back to the recliner, CMT (which we don’t have at home cause we can’t afford that grouping of channels) and my Dr Pepper 10 that is really yummy.  Ow!  I just got a pain that went from the left-handed side of my right hand all the way to the top of my head.  Laters Baby.

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Day 6 of No Narcotics

I can’t really say whether my pain is worse or not.  Still having the big D, thanks either to withdrawals or antibiotics I’m on for a skin infection.  Yesterday was rough.  It was Easter and we invited some family over for an Easter egg hunt so that meant cleaning.  I washed the girls dresses (all the orange frosting from the cake fight came out) and sorted laundry, although I never got around to starting another load.  I swept and mopped the kitchen floor.  As I’ve mentioned before, my friends bought me a MINT automatic floor cleaner, but I have to pre-sweep and pre-mop before using it because of how bad my kitchen floor gets.  I’m not sure that my mommy dog Leia, who is in the kitchen with her three, two-week-old puppies, would appreciate it either.  I also vacuumed my daughters room, around the litter box and my living room floor.  I helped my hubby hide the Easter eggs and was the official photographer.

All that activity and the added stress of company and kids caused me to have a less than fun night.   The trips up and down the stairs had my ankles, knees and hips aching and spasming (Google says thats not a word but I use it all the time so Google can suck it).  The over-use of my right arm had painful spasms shooting from my shoulder up to my neck.  At first I tried rubbing vaporizing rub on my shoulder and the surrounding area.  That usually works, but that was when I was on pain medication.  Realizing that, I tried a couple ibuprofen.  Nothing.  Massage, heat, ice and repeat.  Nothing.  F-bombing did not help either.  The day before may have added to the pain.  We went to my daughter’s volleyball game and then to Denver for my Step-Dad’s 80th birthday party.  I was nauseated from the pain and fatigue about half-way through.  I am just now recalling my Step-Sister’s very steep stairs and steep driveway with several taller-than-normal steps.  That explains the knee and hip pain early on yesterday, before I even did anything.

Every day is a new day.  Take it one day at a time.  Kind of hard to do, when you have to think back on what you did the day before or the day before that to figure out why you are hurting so bad now.  My left arm is beginning to ache now, going up into my neck, probably from typing this, so I’m going to go take my muscle relaxer just as soon as I post this.  Then I guess I should shower and finally start that laundry from yesterday.  Laters Baby (“Fifty Shades of Gray”).

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