Fibronaut At Home

Dear Winter

Dear Winter,

When it was hot in the summer and I was sweating profusely, I pined for you.  I couldn’t wait for you to render me useless beneath heating pads and heated blankets.  I longed for luxurious soaks in Epsom salts baths.  My only desire was to alleviate my pain without sweating like cold drink on a hot day.  No more sweaty under boobs, cracks or crevices of any kind.  No more painful blasts of air-conditioning.

Well, I guess I’m just not ready to commit.  It has become quite clear, that I don’t know what I want or need.  This past Saturday was the first day of Fall.  You know Fall right?  Lower temperatures, kills off all things green?  Sometimes, it rains.  Sometimes, it snows.  Sometimes, it just blows.  

It started yesterday afternoon.  I had been feeling my normal, ho-hum self all day.  Then came the Brick Wall of Fall.  I felt like my battery had suddenly been drained.  And the pain!  Everything hurt.  Face, neck, head, arms, shoulders, hands, elbows, ribs, gut, hips, knees, thighs, and feet.  Pain, pain, everywhere and not a thing to help.  I have one heating pad, since the fire fiasco.  I was already too exhausted to take a bath.  I listened to my “Bedtime Beats: The Secret to Sleep” CD and was able to relax enough to go to bed.

The remainder of my night went like this.  Wake up from dead sleep to use the facilities.  Go back to sleep.  Wake up from dead sleep, in absolute terror, because it sounds like my son is crying and my hubby is yelling like they are being attacked.  Resist the urge to kill hubby, when I realize he is watching “The Walking Dead” and that accounts for the sounds that woke me up from a sound sleep.  Wake up to daughter crying.  Wake up to daughter coughing and Daddy trying to help but Daddy has work, so here I go again.  Sit up with daughter until she falls asleep.  Surf Facebook, because now I’m wide awake and the more my daughter snores and sleeps blissfully, the madder I get that I can’t sleep.  Sleep the rest of the night, eventually.

I feel I’ve digressed, slightly, from my topic.  Hold on a second.  I need to go to the top of this letter and remember why I was writing you a letter in the first place.  Oh, yes.  I remember now.  I was trying to let you down easy.  Since I hurt too bad to sugar coat it anymore, I’ll just put it this way.  Winter, you suck.  I’m not ready to hurt every minute of every day.  I’m not ready to be so tired I can barely walk, let alone do the five hundred other things being a Mom requires.  Also, I was just thinking that maybe I should try selling some of the stuff I sew.  Thanks for taking that dream away from me as well.  I can barely get my kids to and from school and their sport’s practices like this.  My poor Hubby is so grouchy from his work situation, that I am the only one getting anything done around here.

Not to be harsh, but nobody likes you.  Maybe, when it snows and the ground is covered in white and glistens in the sun, but that is the only time.  And, maybe, when you leave the trees all frosted in the morning.  Other than those two instances, you could go away and I wouldn’t miss you at all.  I guess what I’m really trying to say is, I would rather be sweaty, in pain and fatigued from doing more than normal, than to be in pain, fatigued and pretty useless for no good reason at all.

Sincerely,

Fibronaut at Home

PS.  I just realized, this morning, that we would soon have a Daylight Savings Time event.  Bite me, Fall!

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Dear Summer

Dear Summer,

I waited all winter for you.  Through the cold and the snow, I longed for your warm embrace.  I dreamed of the day when you would finally hold me in your arms again.  I just knew that when you came, my pain would lessen, and I would no longer be a shadow of my former self.  With you, I would be better, stronger and happier.  With you, I could do anything.

Now you’re here and I wonder what the funk-n-wagnall’s I was thinking!  Almost every afternoon, your moody ass brings a chance for rain.  Every drop of the barometer is like a ton of bricks, weighing me down, making me sluggish and amplifying the pain.  By the time I’m up and moving in the afternoon, the storms start rolling in and by then, I’m in too much pain to accomplish much.  

In the winter, I could take a hot bath when the pain became too much.  With you, every storm brings lightning with the pain, leaving me without the hot bath relief.  So I use my heating pads, which makes me sweat like a pig.  Attractive, isn’t it?  Every muscle on my body hurts and so I rotate my two heating pads from one painful spot to the next.

When the sun is shining and I decide to relax in its warmth, whatever shorts I’m wearing feel like a million tiny little bees are stinging my skin.  If it is extremely hot and I go somewhere to escape the heat in air conditioning, the air conditioning makes me hurt.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think it’s time we go our separate ways.  I know that sounds impossible, seeing as how I live in Colorado and you are, well, everywhere.  There is just no compromise to be had here.  My body needs some consistency in the weather, not all these mercurial weather patterns.  You know I love your beautiful flowers, longer days, singing birds and bountiful gardens, but I need more than just a pretty face.

Delusionally yours,

Fibronaut at Home

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Go Away Winter

I did not realize how lucky I’ve been that we’ve had a mild winter.  The storm blowing in right now has my muscle spasming so painfully.  It is not a quick spasm either.  They last for three or four seconds and then I get a couple seconds break before they spasm again.  I’m getting a headache too.  It probably does not help that I was so foolish on Monday.  I thought I’d try driving to my doctor’s appointment over an hour away.  Even with relaxing at stoplights, deep breathing and making sure I relaxed in between, I couldn’t make the drive home and was so exhausted that I slept all the way home.  Yesterday my legs hurt but today my muscles along my hips and my muscles along my shins are spasming.

I am so tired of being a burden to everyone.  My hubby has to take of work to take me to appointments or my Mom takes me but then my hubby still has to drive me an hour and a half to her house, so that is three hours of him driving after he’s worked all day.  Then after my appointment my Mom drives me home and then drives herself home which amounts to almost four hours of driving for her.  I wanted to be able to drive myself to my appointment, but obviously that isn’t going to happen.

Just tried to do laundry but that is going to have to wait another day.  Just typing this is making my finger muscles and arm muscles cramp.  Hope the hubby can cook dinner.  If not, the eleven-year-old will be making us frozen pizzas again.

Quick note on my doctor’s appointment, my blood work showed inflammation so he upped my Naproxen and told me to up my Baclofen before bed to help me sleep better.  He’s concerned but wants to see if the Naproxen helps.

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